Deep down - I really don't hate him (I love him). As you know somewhat (It's complex) Sad thing is - part of me wishes I could have a close bond with him and talk. I wish we could hug and bond like father/daughter. He isn't the affectionate type and I can't judge him because I have no clue how his father was with him. (My grandfather died when I was 1) My grandmother never says anything nice about him. My father rarely ever talks about his upbringing or how his father was. (PS- I hope you are doing well, I haven't fully been on here because my timing is all off. Since I was out my notifications have been off and finding time to actually be online is at times difficult.) I know this subject is bitter sweet but I do hope you happiness in many ways. Also - Take care and stay safe :)