Yeah, I think I'm dead af by this age in over half of them. And that would have been a shame, because then I would have missed paul blart: mall cop 2
My decision points run always into the same structures everywhere and every time: You need to be tough to live as a human and you need to be soft to deserve to live as a human. So every decision is always a mixed bag for me. Some of the corners I didn't take were no decisions. Nature forged some not so welcome treats into me and I need to handle those constantly. Which makes 100% of the other possible Kates not so much desirable too.
I say the biggest part of ones future is already written and there is no way out.
I think about this a lot.. I came very close to moving to Seattle when I was a kid, but the thought of having to change schools and leave all my friends behind scared me into staying. The one person I liked all through high school turned out to like me back, would've probably gone to prom with me if I hadn't moved to Florida. My childhood friend's older brother was pretty enamored by me, asked me out several times but I thought he was lame.. He runs a law firm now lol. So many regrets.
It's impossible to say. I regret some decisions I've made--mainly chances I didn't take--that I theorize might have improved my life (probably wishful thinking), but for all I know maybe things would have come out worse. Butterfly effect and everything. I mean.. I live in a house, I have all the food and gadgets I need or event want, I'm in good health, my loved ones are still alive, etc. Things could be worse.
The things I was so close to getting, I wanted/needed so badly that I literally can't imagine how getting them would have affected me, even though they weren't particularly enabling things, just experiences.
When I make a bad decision I often find myself imagining what would have happened if I'd choses otherwise and it usually leads me to a conclusion where making the better decision ultimately wouldn't have helped me anyway. Maybe it's just convenient thinking, but it's like I'm magnetically attracted to those lines of thought and they give me comfort.
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