frequently asked questions (favorite movies, books, etc):
http://xrafstar.monster/codex
serious weakness faq
https://xrafstar.monster/blog/serious-weakness-aftermath
512
i was trying to explain a feeling to my trauma therapist and the only way i could say it was "every move the wrong move forever" and i watched it enter her guts in front of me
Serious weakness but miku https://imgur.com/a/0miFAIR
I ❤️ mspaint and drawing shitty emo cringe.
i do also believe that trianon could give seragaki aoba a run for his money as yaoi jesus❤️
triatsune miku!!! he's so pretty...love how waxy/creamy and bruised…thank you for this WONDERFUL mspaint emo cringe!! truly the best most beautiful thing in life…
yaoi jesus…i’m honored…they’re listening to music and cuddling in bed together in that eternal paradise…their reward for their many sufferings and mutilations…
P.S. can i put it on my fanart page?
there's a plush company called plushie dreadfuls that makes these rabbits that represent various mental and chronic physical illnesses and apparently at some point later this year they're releasing a myasthenia gravis bunny and all im saying is. would it be ontologically evil to order one and slash an x into the middle of its chest
what do you think of names? do they tie us down when we should be free to shift into new identities? do you still identify w the name porpentine?
i don’t mind when people use porpentine, although i’m not super invested in a single name.
in my head i don’t have one, and use multiple names in private life.
but i’m pragmatic, porpentine etc is a useful umbrella term so people can find my art.
when i think of names, the question is, do i identify with a piece of clothing?
i have my favorites, but they’re all for different things.
if you’re asking about yourself, depends on how it makes you feel. a uniform can funnel the soul into the same shape every day. or it can make someone feel proud and spinal.
i love naming characters. the pleasure of the tag on the collar of a shirt, small and stitched and tucked away, but tickling the back of the neck unless you cut it off. it’s like naming different parts of myself, homunculi that grew from a wound. that is how i live, in a dancing node field…
This is such a stupid question but what program do you use to write? I get weird paralysis about opening like… Google docs of all things and clickety clacking away about amputative incest lol. Because what if the government is watching and my life gets even overer?!? Certainly I am silly and insufficiently motivated to let this be a concern but yeah what incubates your shit? I am imagining an external hard drive covered in chains levitating and pulsing with dark energies. Love your work, you’re very gracious to have a retrospring
So I'm scrolling through this in search of more precious lore gems about Agent of Innocent and I get jumpscared by Perfect Tense being 85??? Was that a joke or is he really a boomer in a twink body?
I got caught up with cunt toward enemy a little while back and can I say how much I love rubicon. His sharp personality and love for violence contrasting with his childishness and the desire for fatherly approval. The gap moe is huge. I get the tingles when we get to peek a little into rubi's brain. Decent food for fathercons is so rare and difficult to find, and cte is sustaining me. Also, I've been dying to ask: what's your opinion on the concept of fathers. A father review, if you will
i was literally writing about Rubicon when i got this!! i just finished revising the first episode and it’ll be in my new anthology, shiny and remastered. ✨
my stance on dads is
i have a deep hatred of parents
the entire concept is so inherently perverse
which makes for good stories.
i agree, it’s hard to find good food, i need something very careful…very particular…a delicate tension…that’s why i write.
i hope it will please you to know that i’m working on more dadspectrum stories + more cte episodes (and if you haven’t read it, i would check out Your Mother Has Fallen Out of Love With You)
also, this previous dad ask may be mildly diverting…
yesss, the gap moe…i think that’s a cardinal trait of my characters. a narrow, terrifying competency paired with staggering weakness and patheticness. thank you for loving Rubicon!! 💜💥
After reading serious weakness and incorporating it into my personality I made a dungeon star t shirt. I work at a warehouse and wear it to work every so often and I asked my friend if I should tell people what it is and they told me to say they’re a rap group so when people finally started asking I told them they’re a rap group and described the music and now people keep being like oh dungeon star and trying to look it up and getting no results and they think I’m gatekeeping and idk how long I should commit to this bit
my therapist mentioned Serious Weakness during one of our sessions and upon looking at the reviews and the description i was drawn to it immediately like flies to carrion. The draw that Tria has towards Insul actually reminds me a lot of when i was manipulated by a sociopath in high school and how i’d keep talking to him about everything i thought regardless of how much he hurt me bc it still felt like he understood me in a way others didn’t. You did such a good job capturing the complexity of such a relationship and it means a lot to me that someone’s out here writing about the most beautiful fucked up romances our world has to offer.
does your therapist make you draw clocks too?? haha that is so cute. serious weakness is the first line of therapeutic intervention in today’s modern world…
i understand. that kind of connection can feel deeper than nearly anything. it's intoxicating. when i write a horrible romance, i consider the person most vulnerable to it.
it’s hard to let go of being understood, or the illusion of being understood, or at least opened up like a machine, when so many people only offer apathetic affection.
i hope you can find intensity/connection in people who treat you well.
yes. in a book it can be the most beautiful. snorting this pure toxicity. thank you!! <3
i see you as some sort of prehistoric mammal. curling up into ground holes during signs of apocalypse.
i know you don’t touch pronouns but would you describe yourself as ‘fem’ or does that also change over time?
femininity is very important to me
but i would never use terms that anyone else used.
people use words because they want something. nothing i want is so simple.
i am more like the weather.
i don’t see properties as extricable from each other.
the more a thing becomes one thing, it reinforces another
and it's that flow i am interested in.
any description is in the living pattern of my art.
how do you feel about those who DON'T like your work?
someone asked if they could translate HAL and you said there were certain phrasings in it you wouldn't necessarily agree with anymore -- what might those be/what are your thoughts on that essay now?
it’s just some essay i wrote when i was young
and i had to describe myself in fake ways to get the truth published
because people distrust fluidity
-i’m not trans or any of the other terms in the article, it was just the only way to get it published in a time where not fitting into a binary was and is seen as rapey. but i don't care anymore. if they would change it, that would be best, but no one cares. i’ve sold the sexual fantasy and interpretation of my body so many times to survive, it was no different.
-it was a personal essay i wrote a very long time ago. the fact that it is still relevant is because many artists come from higher socioeconomic backgrounds and are not as willing to be sincere as some squalid runt.
-my art is the most important thing. essays are distasteful and those who continually write about internet culture tend to be rancid grifters. twitter activists/content repackaging clout chasers are the lowest form of life. i would rather make new things than regurgitate them.
-people want to roll it up into their ideology when the essay is about the evil of all ideology.
you don’t need some essay to know bad things are bad.
so i would advise people to cultivate their own clarity and voice
instead of trying to collate some perfect scripture to be invoked as a talisman.
the strongest shit i ever see is when people just don’t play along with the weird pious language of clout chasing and use their own words to express how over it they are. robbing the accusers of the cheap sexual thrills and specialness they crave.
i don't mind if some find the text useful. people need a bandage when they're bleeding out. but bandages need to be changed and wounds need to heal.
in the end, people get hurt all the time.
it’s not special.
i’ve lost count of all the people who ever tried to kill me, it’s very boring.
i just don’t think about it.
the only thing that makes me happy is building new things.
Absolutely love your stuff, its one of the few things along with Jesus' son and Frank:Sonnets I keep coming back to year after year. The words are all colored.
Probably a stupidfuckingthing to ask but you have any thoughts on a kind of default passionlessness? Sometimes I feel like if I peeled back all this skin it'd just be layers and layers of slag coated around a little pearlescent nothing.
That sounds really dramatic. More like on the sliding scale of emotional human experience I'd rank as hilariously unimpressive. Real 'mediocrity propelled via anxiety' hours. Even the self-hate feels sheltered and cliche'd. I don't know. I feel like I've done a lot of introspection and there simply isn't much there.
Also have you ever played any tabletop role playing games? I haven't, but they sound fun.
Thank you.
thank you <3 i like the invisible colors i put them in
it’s easy to feel numb without context
there were times people basically thought i was a vegetable
because i did not easily reveal my potential
it is natural to have a blankness inside
i am blank without connection
like a piece of glass
the question is what your best lighting and angle is
so maybe extrospection is needed
but people have very different drives
some can be happy never talking to another person, others need to compete to feel something
depends on what you want, and why it bothers you, and what that means about you
i’ve played tabletop games, yeah
DMing is my favorite
but i don’t really have the time
i usually put that conductor energy into my art
🪲
the “any pronouns if you’re horny” is SO REAL thank you. “they” is me and logically must be me but i hate how sexless it feels because it’s new in the culture and not contaminated by centuries of fetishes. also the idea of only ever being called one thing makes me a bit sad. Refract me through many lenses pwease 🥴 hope you’re having a wondrous day!!
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