The short version is that I was thinking about deleting my AO3 as a whole in early 2022 because I just didn't enjoy writing anymore. I'm still repairing my relationship with writing (writing as survival vs writing as a hobby) and what it is that I get from it and it's taken a lot of experimenting and silliness encouraged by friends.

Basically, at the time, I no longer wanted certain works to be associated with me. This obviously no longer applies for most of them - they're mostly in my masterlist! (Maybe 2-4 aren't, but they were posted anonymously to begin with, so you'll never find them. Ehehe.) For a handful of them: I personally cannot read my own fics. So orphaning them makes it easier for me to actually engage without my biggest critic being an asshole. There is not a single fic on my AO3 that hasn't been edited to hell and back since posting, but I'd like to think I'm a lot kinder to myself these days.

The most important part is this: I know who they belong to and I know what my intention was. If you find them and enjoy them, they're yours to engage with however you see fit! Every so often, I'll click to see if there's any new comments on them and sometimes I will reply, but tl;dr not my business anymore, that was the old me xoxo

fun life updates:
- got my helix pierced. i needed some excitement. it itches.
- getting two tattoos on thursday and probably another one next week. we're up to ~21 tattoos now. don't ask me about my credit card bill.
- went from green to like, wine reddish hair? i'm circling back to orange/ginger slowly but surely.
- spent an hour googling what to do if your wellbutrin bottle smells weird (apparently it's normal? could be a bad batch? it's only in my timer cap bottle tho which is Annoying)
- had a fic idea whack me over the head like an anvil falling from the sky last week and writing it for a fest. maybe. for a virgo, i'm bad at deadlines.
- reopened dilf scoups fic today because i actually outlined ch 2. we cheered
- probably gonna hit my reading goal for the year in literally like. a month.
- seeing hanif abdurraqib do a reading this month!!!! meeting him for the first time as well and kind of nauseous about it. like, reminding myself i should not say "i cried so hard after reading i wasn't brought here i was born that i was genuinely concerned i would be sent home from my internship"
- in a rare tv watching mood so i'm burning through my list on netflix :)

non-specific hero/villain au world in which dk is just a Normal Dude whose window coups crawls through after a hard fight with [insert hero here]. he comes home from work to a trail of blood staining the carpet and tries to run up but coups can hear him and glares at him in the mirror telling him to not try anything funny because i /will/ kill you and dk has just been watching a live stream of the fight on IG and has been tracking the sightings of him just out of morbid curiosity but they didn't say he was anywhere near his neighborhood, but he presses on dropping his spatula and keeps his hands up saying hey i was a boy scout and i have first aid training i can help you clean up at least and cheol is like. he's not in a place to turn down help with how much blood he's lost and he says thank you and they part ways, and somehow. it becomes a reluctant routine, the second time is an accident, quite literally thrown into the side of the building, the third time is on purpose, the fourth time, something almost happens and cheol for all of the evil supposedly in him has enough righteousness to know that dk is GOOD to his core and won't corrupt him but seokmin won't hear any of it but cheol leaves but he comes back in the middle of the night, eyes wild and wide, holds up a finger with a barely there papercut and says, i need you to help me and [CAR ENGINE EXPLODES]

i mean, i kinda did with love from the other side? but the og thought process for that fic was oxenfree/life is strange/spirited away. i think if i tried to do it again, i would choose maybe...... gyuhao (couple who moves to a very inexpensive tourist town, doesn't mind that everything seems to shut down in the off season) + vernon (ghost alex) = the sunken being a faceless entity rather than a physical manifestation. skip the house, they're camping on the other side of the island. they get stuck in a cave when a storm rolls in, and mingyu checks the radio. they let the sunken in. spooks and scares occur. i could see this being a cyoa type thing (if i REALLY tried) and there being an ending where they loop, an ending where they break up at the end, an ending where they move (break then cycle) and an ending where one of them is sacrificed. just some thoughts!

i can think of a lot of things for the inverse, but:

my most specific thought is namjoon/soobin f1 au, styled after sebchal. if these words mean nothing to you, i encourage you to google "sebastian vettel charles leclerc helmet" and read what he wrote to charles on the helmet and then think about namjoon giving that to soobin now try tl be normal about that.

i guess pacrim aus? (i just don't Get how they work??? i also just thought pacrim was. Fine. it was a movie. but it doesn't stop me from reading them and being ran over by them.) i had a vague minchansung pacrim thought like 2 years ago. don't ask me to elaborate. i don't remember.

green card marriage/marriage of convenience. thinking about immigration law too hard makes me want to dye.

any sort of gang/mafia au lol i used to really enjoy reading organized crime au but i am SO picky like it cannot be just dark for the sake of being dark, there needs to be a throughline to keep my interest.

heist fic. nothing will hit the way that negative space hits for me but lovker cursed me with a thought about 95z in negative space so i may eat my own words on this one.

BODYGUARD FIC.... i haven't read ninamonday's wonhan yet because i know it'll kill me, but it's one of those aus that makes me feel overwhelmed immediately when i think about logistics.

if anyone wants to listen to me talk about racism, the invitation (the bad vampire movie), modern morals, and how to AU it..... i have many thoughts but i could never write it. like, i don't think i have it in me to lean into the moral greyness of what that requires.