Thank you so much anon. This year has been unbelievably demoralizing and I’m starting to hit a point where I fear having to apply to med schools all over again, so stress is especially hitting me now. It seems so many people around me are moving on to better things and moving on with their lives in general (pursuing higher education especially) which only makes me feel worse about myself. I’m admittedly really bad about comparing myself to others and it’s hard to see them succeed when I feel so stuck.

I guess I feel like I need to do something impressive to even warrant people’s interest and attention, and it’s been this way for much of my life. I also struggle with putting too much of my value as a person into my accomplishments, and given that this year has been marked by so many failures that have made me question myself and my worth, it’s just been really painful. I haven’t doubted (or even hated) myself like this in forever, and I sadly don’t know what to do about it… I’m in therapy but no matter who I work with, it almost feels like I can’t get better. I’ve improved my mental health in many ways over my life, and it is vastly better than how I was 10 years ago, but this constant, nagging feeling of inferiority and lack of belonging has followed me since the beginning of any of my mental health struggles. The debilitating anxiety I had as a teen has just been traded for debilitating depression.

I isolate and keep a lot to myself, but sometimes I try sharing information in personal posts just to get it off my chest. It’s not even helping that much, nor is it really my style to share such stuff publicly, but it does make me feel slightly more seen at least. I pretend to be okay all the time in my day-to-day reactions offline, so it’s nice to go online and drop that, even if it regrettably results in some unpleasantly negative posts. It means a lot that even after subjecting people to them, someone cares enough to be concerned for and rooting for me. It truly does warm my heart to know someone is thinking of me at all. I feel alone and insignificant so often these days but it’s kindness like this that gives me hope for belonging in this world. So, thank you. Wishing your empathetic soul all the best as well 💖

Not weird at all! This is the exact type of question I like to receive, actually. Psychologically analyzing characters, especially in the context of personality psychology, is absolutely my jam

Personally, I do not see him as a character that would fit the label of borderline personality disorder. This is a diagnosis characterized by severe emotional instability, fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, and often accompanied by frequent self-harm and/or suicidal gestures. He strikes me as a bit too emotionally composed to struggle with BPD, and even initially seemed to come off as someone who had more of an avoidant attachment style, which is less common for BPD.

More common in the disorder is anxious attachment. Those with borderline personality disorder tend to latch onto certain people and idealize them, relying on them a lot for their own stability and sense of self, while going to great lengths to avoid abandonment. I could see how someone would make the case that, for instance, he avoided abandonment through the Accomplice Ending, but I wouldn’t say this is on par with the severity or frequency of frantic attempts to avoid abandonment as seen in BPD.

Borderline personality disorder is also most frequently the product of severe childhood trauma, hence its inherent severity and the instability of mood, relationships, and sense of self that come along with it. From what we know, he wasn’t abused growing up, which, while not a diagnostic requirement for BPD, makes the disorder less likely.

Thanks for the question! I always appreciate personality psychology questions—they’re my favorite 😁

Not gonna lie, it’s been… a pretty rough year so far. The beginning of 2024 was especially awful for me but I’m currently working on piecing things back together enough to pull through in my med school application process. It’s a significant amount of stress, from studying for my entrance exam to writing the application essay and application itself. I was in a pretty dark place in the few months of this year, but I’m trying to keep moving forward, trying to take care of myself and do what is within my control to perform to my optimal potential. The prospect of sinking thousands of dollars into applications only to get rejected from every school I send them to is nauseating to me, but only time will tell if this will happen. I just need to try my hardest so I can say I did my best. I’m too stubborn and I’ve come too damn far to give up now.

Thanks for asking! I appreciate you wondering ☺️

My affinity for the teacher/student dynamic is really coming out with my latest pairing obsession, huh? 😝

Thank you for remembering this WIP! I kind of put it on pause for an indeterminate amount of time last fall, partly because I wanted more time to think on ideas to add to it, and partly because the last time I wrote it, I got too frustrated with my writing and that left a negative association with this doc. That was a little under a year ago though, and I’d really like to continue it at some point. I feel like it might end up being a bit longer than my usual oneshots, depending on what I decide I want to do with it, and I don’t have those ideas yet, so I haven’t been focusing on it like the fic ideas I do have figured out more. Alas, I am not a “figure it out as I go along” type of writer and tend to plot everything out extensively before I write.

Anyway, since I haven’t plotted this idea out that much, the following writing from my draft may very well end up being scrapped, but here’s a little bit more of this fic~

———

Yu adjusted his bag on his shoulder. “I read the book you wrote and was wondering if you had any additional reading you could give me.”

The man just snorted. “You actually read that thing?”

“Were we… not supposed to?”

“You’re what—a fourth year? Don’t tell me you’re so close to graduating and you’re still buying ‘required’ reading.”

Silence was all the reply he needed.

“Oh wow, jeez. Okay, kid—uh, what’s your name?”

“Narukami Yu.”

“All right then, Narukami-kun, let me tell you a secret. A bit too late but better late than never, I guess. Those books? We’re required to put them in as part of the curriculum. No one actually buys them, let alone reads them.”

Yu considered this for a second. It didn’t make a difference. “Even so, I like to have a full understanding of the course material.”

Adachi scoffed. “Well, then you’re a nerd. You won’t get anywhere in life by going above and beyond where there’s no actual payoff.”

“What if the payoff is a greater understanding?”

“Then you’re definitely a nerd.”

“Maybe so. Do you have any additional reading for me?”

(part 2 of question)
And another problem is that I was very rarely interested in someone. Maybe it was only twice... I mean during all this time...
I don't know what to do. I'm at a dead end.
Do you think people in reality are also the same as on the Internet? I mean in a bad way...
You can't talk at all right now?
2

I relate immensely to being upset from feeling rejected, so I’m sorry that putting yourself out there online has led to that. There are times it can feel like making the effort to interact with others is more trouble than it’s worth, especially when it leads to anxiety or the feeling of being alone/ignored. Putting yourself out there can feel draining, thankless, and hopeless, especially if you’re someone who has depression. It’s not a futile effort but I understand how it can often feel like it is.

I also can relate to that issue of rarely finding someone who truly sparks my interest. They’re certainly out there, but can be hard to find. I’m not sure if you’re primarily looking for friends, looking for a partner, or both in this case, but despite how exhausting it can be to keep trying to find someone you connect well with, I still believe it’s worth the effort. When you do find someone who gets you, it’s utterly invaluable

I think people on the internet can sometimes be harder to interact with, because if they spend the majority of their time online, they’re a bit more likely to have more difficulties with socializing. Sometimes there will be communication disconnects that adversely impact a dynamic and in no way reflect on you, but still hurt nonetheless. Many of the people who choose to avoid open, honest discussion of emotions can suffer from this, and unfortunately there are more people like that online by nature of the fact that people who dwell online are more likely to be avoiding socialization and the life skills it can teach (often out of anxiety) because it’s less direct interaction than in person and thus affords them this ability more. There are certainly plenty of exceptions, but I’ve had falling outs with people online who never learned how to maturely communicate their thoughts and feelings and instead believed limiting themselves to online interaction somehow allowed them to bypass that stage of social growth.

All of this is to say, the people you interact with online are not necessarily going to be a completely representative sample of people in the real world. There will likely be a larger proportion of people who struggle to keep up social interactions for any number of reasons (whether it be due to anxiety, a social skill they lack, or something else).

That being said though, on the flip side, I tend to gravitate towards making friends with people online more than people in person because it’s easier to find introverts who are deep and interesting people to connect with. So it can also be the case that the people you find online end up actually being less representative of the general people you’d find irl, but in a positive way

“You can’t talk at all right now?”

Since you’re anonymous, I don’t know if we’ve interacted before or not, but if so, I apologize if I’ve been distant in DMs! My life has died down a bit now but the beginning of this year was very hectic and stressful in my professional life, and the regularity of my responses to conversations has been affected. I’m able to talk but I also prioritize having time offline to myself, so if I don’t respond immediately, please do not take it personally. I’m not ignoring you, it’s just that I might be busy and finding it difficult to keep up multiple conversations in free time when I may need time to socially recharge

Hopefully this helped answer your questions, and please take care of yourself ❤️

(part 2 of question)
there were two times when two people from the fandom wrote to me under the post, but when I asked them a simple question trying to start communication with them, they didn’t answer anything, as if they thought that I would supply them with content and not tell them anything, or that I would be a fan of their content who didn’t will tell them nothing. maybe people on the Internet in general have become worse or has it always been like this? or maybe people got worse everywhere? (2)

I first joined Tumblr around 2013 or so and I think internet culture in general (on Tumblr and elsewhere) was very different back then. I’ve unfortunately noticed more of a trend in fandoms where content creators are less looking for friends and more looking for an audience. It’s tough to make friends this way when the other person’s primarily goal is getting “engagement” on their art or whatever it is that they create. I think it’s natural to want to get recognition for the hard work one puts into their craft (I know it’s something I definitely crave), but I dislike how more people are starting to view interactions with others through the lens of “this is a potential fan” and less through the lens of “this is a potential new friend”. Maybe I’m cynical because I’ve had a (former) friend like this who basically went into the dynamic with the goal of making me a member of their fanbase (and exploiting my hard work in my craft to elevate the quality of theirs through collaborations), but… yeah, it happens more frequently these days.

If I had to take a guess, I’d say the algorithmic nature of social media platforms has contributed to this a lot. People are much more focused on getting their work to be successful these days, while the focus a decade ago was much more on connecting with others in a chill, community based around meeting people who liked similar stuff.

Tumblr is actually a bit better in this respect, as it doesn’t focus as heavily on an algorithm as, say, Twitter or Instagram (the latter of which I despise tbh). But even so, I think interaction is much easier on Twitter because it’s more normal to comment, whereas most people on Tumblr communicate either directly through DMs or indirectly through tags on reblogs. There’s less of a middle ground because for some reason, people don’t like commenting on posts or even reblogging with their own thoughts. This could be because of fear of modifying someone else’s post, but it sadly leads to it being tougher to talk to people on Tumblr unless you DM. Tumblr for me is more a place where I just keep track of posts I like and occasionally post some of my own, but as for interacting with others, I don’t think it’s the ideal place. Twitter is more conducive to that despite its… current downward slope in quality 😅

If I had to give advice for making friends on Tumblr though, starting off with more subtle hints towards wanting to be friends could help rather than just DMing out of the blue. Reblog their stuff, leave your thoughts and compliments in the tags (that I can assure you they’ll almost certainly read), and just engage with their blog in a way that indicates that you find them interesting. They may check out your blog and realize by the content you post that you two have stuff in common, and might even follow you back. Most of my mutuals/friendships that started on Tumblr are kind of limited to this liking, reblogging, and commenting-in-tags dynamic, but I have been lucky enough to have some progress past that and lead to regular DMs and even friendships that have lasted a couple of years.

Sorry for the late response on this and hope it answered your question!

Oh, this is a fun story. Thanks for giving me the chance to tell it, anon!

To cut to the chase, I met my girlfriend because she wrote some really stellar Persona 4 fanfiction 😆 In a way, you were right—it was somewhat accidental (but so fortunate) that we met.

I’m someone who makes a point of leaving comments on stories whenever I can, because I know how much impact they can have on the writer. Even when I don’t think my comments could ever adequately express just how much I loved a story, I try anyway, and I most certainly felt the need to do this with her stories. With every additional chapter I read, it became evident to me not just how talented she was, but how creative, intelligent, and compassionate as well.

Her stories are very intellectually stimulating because they guide you to look inward at your own beliefs of right and wrong, who deserves redemption and why, why cruel people do what they do, and so on. And the answers her themes led to always came from a place of kindness, sympathy, and understanding. Acknowledgement of suffering while simultaneously not excusing wrongdoings. It became so clear to me that she was a mature and empathetic person, and I just couldn’t get enough of her well-written fics and the remarkable insight on life that she infused into them.

So I uh… naturally found myself writing many (often long) comments on her works. And I didn’t expect any responses. I just wanted her to know how brilliant her work was and get the recognition she deserves. But she was kind enough to respond to them, so we ended up having some interesting conversations.

We got to know each other more and more that way. But I distinctly remember the day that she checked out one of my works and… let’s just say, I was absolutely over the moon with joy when she left a comment 😭😍 I was immensely honored that a writer I looked up to so much took the time to read my work and, furthermore, actually enjoyed it. I was losing my mind a bit the night I got that email notification and read her comment!

Eventually, I followed her on Twitter, and she followed me back. I just kinda lurked for a while, too shy to DM her, until one night where I got over my nerves enough to shoot her a supportive message in reference to something she posted about that was stressing her out. This is when I realized I had a crush on her because after sending it, I was so extremely nervous (not common for me!) that I couldn’t fall asleep until 7am 😵‍💫 I realized later, after very minimal sleep due to my anxiety and overthinking, that maybe it was more than just a case of me admiring her as a writer…

Everything went well though and from then on, we DMed regularly and had some very deep and meaningful conversations that just drew me in even more. We got to know each other better, bonded over other interests we shared (it helped that the music playlists she added to her fics were full of the type of music I love!!), and overall just grew closer. DMing with her was and still is the highlight of my day.

There’s a lot more to this story that I’ll be keeping just between us because it’s so special to me, but it was a wild ride for me emotionally. From realizing I liked her, to vowing never to admit my feelings for fear of ruining our very strong friendship, to then eventually confessing my feelings and, later on, asking her to be my girlfriend, it was an emotional rollercoaster unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. I genuinely was such a skeptic about love before, and didn’t believe all the hype about how it makes you feel, but I can confirm being in love makes you feel all those overwhelming emotions you’ve probably heard about—and more. I love her immensely and am reminded daily of just how lucky I got 🥹💞

Oh yeah, and here’s her fics, if you’re curious:

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787008

Hi! You’re right that there is no DM function on AO3, but there are still ways to communicate. The best one by far is just to be an enthusiastic reader who takes the time to write meaningful comments. If you’re lucky, the author will respond and it might lead to a conversation! Authors also like to see repeat commenters, so if you end up reading multiple stories of theirs and enjoying them, don’t be afraid to comment! Some people worry about “spamming” kudos and comments, but I can assure you that nothing is more exciting for a writer than to get these. It’s not weird at all, just very flattering!

Beyond the AO3 comment section though, you can always follow your favorite writers on other social media (like Twitter or Tumblr) and interact with them there. If they have any they want readers to check them out on, they’ll usually have them linked in the “profile” section of their AO3 page, or at the bottom of their fic. If your username is consistent across AO3 and social media platforms, they’ll likely recognize you as a commenter and be more motivated to interact or even follow back. At this point, it wouldn’t be too presumptuous to DM and try to start a conversation. I’ve had it where someone DMed me to mention just how much they liked one of my works, and I think that’s a pretty safe way to start a conversation with a writer when feeling socially awkward or even intimidated. I know it’s worked when people have done it with me!

Hope this was helpful and good luck! I learned most of this by accident but it has helped a lot and I hope it can help you 😊

Hey! Sorry to hear you’ve been finding it tough to make friends. Sometimes it can feel difficult, especially when it seems like everyone already has their own group, but befriending the right people can bring a very meaningful change to your life, so I hope you can find them. Here’s some advice based on how I’ve found my friends ☺️

AO3
- Leave heartfelt comments on multiple works. These should come organically, don’t do this for the purpose of gaining friends of course. But if you find yourself wondering whether or not you should comment, the answer is yes, you probably should. I left all my comments on my girlfriend’s works because I genuinely loved the fics and felt it would be a shame if I didn’t enthusiastically share how much they impacted me. And they, in turn, impacted her, and also led to some thought provoking discussions that led us to realize that we have a lot in common.

• Posting your own content helps a lot too! My gf and I wouldn’t have met if it weren’t for her hard work on her writing, and I’ve made some friends this way, too. It’s especially useful if you’re a fan of a rare pair, because those communities are much smaller and getting to know fellow readers and writers for a pair you’re passionate about is easier. Plus, if you’re like me and self-conscious about the quality of your work, there’s less content for readers to choose from and people will take what they can get (or so I like to tell myself 😅)

Tumblr
- Interacting with people’s posts can be a useful way of putting yourself out there in a more casual, low-stakes way. One thing that has particularly helped me is leaving reactions in the tags of posts. It’s a great way for someone to see you, and I know any time I get a tag on a post, I get curious and click on the person’s blog to check them out. They’re even more likely to check you out if you leave compliments on something they made, like a drawing. People really appreciate when you do that!! It goes without saying, but only leave genuine feedback when doing this. But I’m of the opinion that any positive thought is best shared, so I make a point of letting people know how much I like their work whenever I can, and sometimes it has naturally led to us talking and becoming friends.

• If you’ve been interacting with each other’s posts or have had a conversation in replies that you’d like to continue, consider sending a DM! Or even if you just want to let them know you love their blog, art posts, etc. Having the courage to message first can be tough, especially with the fear of being rejected, but sometimes you get lucky. One of my friends DMed me expressing interest in collaborating in voice acting and it led to us doing multiple projects together and growing close as friends. They told me later that they almost didn’t DM because they were nervous, but I was grateful they did!

Miscellaneous

• Some people like to join Discord group chats to meet a lot of people. I tend to prefer more one-on-one interaction, but this is still an option to interact with a variety of different people and find a few you may want to branch off with and get closer to later on

Best of luck to you! I hope you can find some good friends. Like I said in my previous answer, sometimes friends come naturally when you get involved in stuff you enjoy and surround yourself with people who also enjoy it. But going out of your way to interact and connect with them is often a great way to meet new people you might end up becoming friends with in the long run!

Sending lots of luck and courage your way 🍀🤗

I find it funny that I am the recipient of this question because I literally found my girlfriend on AO3 during a time when I had no intention of finding anyone. I got super lucky tbh but I’m also of the opinion that (with anything in life), we make our own luck.

That in mind, I think finding a serious partner you truly “click” with is a combination of luck and putting yourself out there. Pursue interests you’re passionate about and you’ll likely make friends with those who share them. You can’t control whether you meet the right person at the right time, but you can set yourself up for success by enthusiastically pursuing what interests you and making deep, genuine connections with those around you that enjoy those things.

It’s my opinion that lesbian and bi women are at an advantage when seeking a serious female partner because in male/female couples, it’s kinda of implied that a man and a woman trying to grow closer are making an attempt to become boyfriend and girlfriend. With women though, it can be a bit more ambiguous—does she want to be my friend, or does she want to be my girlfriend? This is good imo because it doesn’t put unnecessary pressure on the two people involved to “make a relationship work” and allows for more time spent truly getting to know each other as friends. However, it can also be tougher down the line when trying to figure out whether they like you as “just a friend” or “more” (ask me how I know 😅). Absolutely worth it for a deeper and more meaningful relationship, though 💖

I feel uniquely under-qualified to answer this question but I hope I helped at least a bit. It does come down to luck somewhat, but I think it’s much more useful to just go about authentically living your life and making friends, rather than deliberately seeking out a girlfriend on, say, a dating app. I’m demisexual, so I especially have that need for a very strong emotional connection before any attraction, but I think this advice works for anyone who wants a serious partner who loves and supports them unconditionally. I have that and then some, and it was absolutely worth the wait 🥰