I've watched it yus, multiple times actually... I would say it is something I like to revisit. It is inspiring when it comes to like, unique worldbuilding, being immersed in something that operates with it's own defined logic/aesthetic. It even intrigues me, the way it's dystopian, well I do think that the idea of, life/self/identity/memories would be different, if bodies could be created, destroyed, transferred... I like all the ways we explore it. The planet (Apiba?) where bodies are soo commodified, obsessing on trends of the latest hot designer, bodies being constantly tossed out and rechurned into the new ones... I like seeing things taken to that extreme! It's garish and abstract feeling. Oh and of course, I like the episode itself, I do get emo about Patch's situation, poor thing... I appreciate the way we get taken through vignettes upon different planets, with different individual's lives; I think the eps that still get to me are Patch's, Chroniko's, the windmill keeper obaa-chan and her twin sons... Still work up tears over it...

The soundtrack is beautiful... The OP alone, honestly does sting my heart, both the lyrics and the visuals, hands reaching out... It's sf elegant and evocative, I'm impressed by it... Me and Avvy like to listen to the song itself ('Never') and contemplate ships sometimes, it's soo 💕💕💕 big feefees....

As for the central plot & boy himself, I think what keeps Kaiba compelling is that it's about a ROMANCE!! I do care less for the political intrigue and big space battle at the end (as you can imagine...) but Warp and Neiro's saga makes me emo!! My absolute favorite episode is simply the one where we finally get to see their meeting! The titular 'Kaiba'... Feel like I could rewatch that one endlessly!! How it all came to be... it's so sweet, it makes me feel basic... I like that Neiro named him, I like the significance of both names really... The plant Kaiba is named after itself, I believe it consumes memories, so that's an interesting in-world reason... But I like the baggage that hangs around Warp, and his position as royalty, seen as a cruel ruler of the world. The contrast of his life vs. Neiro's (disadvantaged girl...), and the way they connect while he is in this amnesiac state, very fairytale-like to me. Stimulates me... Also I feel great devastation for Hyohyo and her fate makes me a lil scream man. I wish to save her.

The style isn't perfect for me (like... the design sensibilities, a bit too Shapes and silly in ways to be like super horny for...) but it's appealing still, the simplicity, yet sense of volume, enjoyable.. One of those cases where the animation itself really makes it pleasing to watch, it's great to see in motion...

Overall, it's the sort of thing that doesn't create 'fandom' emotion, but I value it...! I like what it presents... glad it exists! It's of course nice when an anime is both visually distinct, but also relevant enough to my tastes... I think there's lots of, unique, artistic ventures made in anime, but their subjects or focus can't really hook me... So-!! Really really happy Kaiba exists and I can enjoys it! ( ˙꒳​˙ )

Not rude to ask about my OCs/sonas and such... Perfectly relevant! (゜▽゜*)♪ His name is Covet yes, the fella in my current pinned. I've talked about him in the past, but to summarize, I'll repost the more thorough description I've written on my IB upload...

"Years ago, around 2018(?), I made an attempt to design a sona that represented my 'dream self'. In my dreams, I have have a reoccurring set of behaviors and powers, and engage with things as an omniscient force. My dream self is... jarringly different from myself, and cruel in what I would describe as, an ostentatious and eccentric way. IRL, I'm kind of a meek guy, and most of my life I've been pretty weak-willed. It kind of fascinates me that my unconscious brain is so chaotic. I do think of myself as being arrogant and egotistical deep down, so I suppose I can't control that this is how that reflects in my subconscious space.

All that being said, my last attempts at designing a form for that dream self were so-so. They were OK, but didn't feel complete. I never revisited those first few sketches. More recently, I've felt inspired by a character I've come to kin in the past year, and art made by eastern artists of interesting sphinxes. Combining all of these elements... and it's starting to feel more 'right'! His name is Covet.

Covet can float, 'clip' through walls, and alter his environment with his mind. He could shake the ground, turn night to day, and even squeeze your heart within your body, with a flick of the wrist. His form can alter freely, with different lengths of his limbs, neck, horns, ears. Abstractly, at times, he can have overlaying extra eyes and mouths, kind of 'glitching' over themselves. His coloration can also vary, though typically it stays in a range of red, black, white and grey.

I also designed a little captive girlie for him to hoard, a sona for my wife to pair with him. She's based on her dream self, who is, incidentally, often more helpless and meek. Her name is Pluck. As Covet has access to various worlds and dream spaces, he one day came across her and fell in love with this creature, paddling around an aquatic environment, simply eating detritus. The world outside of Pluck's former home is overwhelming and scary, however, so she must be constantly attended to and kept in his custody. Covet is glad for the arrangement, and wouldn't have it any other way.

In-between things, Covet is able to shrink her down into a tiny, reduced form, and keeps her asleep inside a bubble (comparable to Mew's bubble we see her in.) He carries her inside himself, opening up his ribcage and tucking her against his organs. She occupies physical space inside, so the bubble compresses and pushes against his heart and lungs. From within, she can hear the muffled sound of his heart beating against the bubble, and the wooshing of his lungs inhaling and exhaling breath. Blood rushing past, and so on. It is a soothing experience."

What more I could tell you about Covet... well, I've yet to settle on his origins (when I made him, I was mostly focused on representing the specialties of Dream Bird, who simply Exists as he Is.) But lately I have dwelled on a time when Covet was a mortal being, perhaps something more withdrawn and plagued by nightmares. I considered this past self being named 'Pine', and being a sphinx as well, though... I'm now considering that he was actually a human before, but has simply lost all those memories. There would have been an ascension into what he is now... Accidentally? Without awareness? Metamorphosing into this dream demon... I do think Covet, as he is 'currently', lacks certain emotions... He's completely without empathy and guilt. A genuine lack of complexity in that way... I think he is a cruder version of his past self, who had a full range of emotions, and was entirely hobbled by them.

Covet doesn't have goals... he doesn't have a masterplan or a reason why he traverses dreams. When he hurts others, it is wanton, and he forgets it immediately.... No lessons to learn. Again, meant to represent a self within dreams, so I think he can't think with a coherent awake mind, has the rogueness of a dream... Perpetual motion machine. He collects experiences in a slow manner, they steadily seep into his mind and effect him. I don't think he can pause and reflect on memories...

Loving Pluck is supernatural and unique. She's the only thing that he treasures and is gentle with, consistently. There's an inability to discard this... While you might think he would crazily tear he to pieces and toy with her all day, I think he is honestly exceedingly mindful of her bubble in his body, and super protective. He is able to understand this is a delicate creature and handles with care. Not that he doesn't play with her at all lol, I think of him rolling the bubble in his hands, squeeshing, perhaps floating around like a seal underwater with a ball sometimes. I think he could be forceful in some ways, he's definitely her like... governing authority and she could not escape him. She's kept lulled in a sleep by his doing, to keep her peaceful. It might be hard to understand but I think he could only do things if she approved of it or liked it in some way...

I think Pluck could come to communicate with Covet psychically though. She's Mew-like, in my mind... despite looking the way she is, very special, something with great potential, cosmic... Their minds radiate and tingle and stimulate the other. They respond to one another like... electrons... pulses and flashes... raw instinct, not thought.... Clicks and whirrs.

´• ᴥ •` and that's my story

While I'm flattered in the interest, I'm not very capable of doing things like tutorials💦 Making graphics and explaining things that way, not my strongsuit, and I don't really have the time or motivation atm... 🙇‍♂️ I don't think I do anything that particular with mouths myself, mostly I just really like tension of the skin around lips, what pinches when one snarls, neers, wrinkles their face etc. I like gums being exposed... Though nowadays I've been trying to be more modest with mouths, as I like things with petite/short feeling snoots, I want to preserve the prettiness of that, and not get lost in the mouth encompassing too much of the face. Bc a higher percentage of mouth might accidentally make the face more proportionally jaw than I want... I'd prefer eyes taking up more real-estate. Just some things on my mind lately, idk if that's helpful but.............. !! !!!! *smiles dumbly.*

I was Team Chaos-!! Let be known, between these broad concepts, I feel next to nothing about 'order', I am le edgelord who dgaf about society and acceptability haha. I'm a hedonist! I think everyone should do as they please. Let it rain blood n bones ahhh...

Er, but I'm not really the person to ask to design a 'fest... Until recently, I didn't even know that the finalfests had influence over the next games lol, what a bizarre thing-! I can't account for this... And I have no sensibilities for what people would like... It seems everyone loved the Grandfest and was posting videos of it happily, sentimental and crying about it all, meanwhile I just kind of felt underwhelmed and didn't care , but how to say......... I'm not someone who cares about music fests omg, and I'm not playing the game for the idols at all... But I should emphasize that I didn't hate grandfest at all, it was FUN to PLAY matches, I thought tricolor was fun, I had a good time, I'm just... umm. I'm just a real Harpoon (anti-social squid!!!) so the aspect where it's a big party dinks off my body. I'm just here to play sport. And win.

If I really pressed my brain, I'd prefer the topics be more like Chaos vs Order, because I think it's more interesting to see people choose between such things... and yet, I sit here, completely unable to think of something equivalent... ._. [brain churning] 🧠💭 Life... vs Death ⬅ See that's not anything, we can't work with that. Or could we [thinks about it.] Well it would be EXtremely funny to have a 'fest themed over like demons n angels or something, I'd let everyone be like grim reapers and angels and I'd want the t-shirts to be more involved... They'd come with attached angel and devil wings...

Wait this is a good segue at least, my biggest dreams for Splatoon is literally just more customization... I'm of the believe this game hinges on the fact that you can dress your little dollie up, the fashion element is SO important. When I sit around dreaming of Splatoon 4 literally all I do is sit there like.. please, GOD let us have, scars... Heterochromia would be HUGE... Don't just add a couple hair styles, add like 10 new ones please!! God!!! And I want to be have more details that are purely cosmetic and don't tie to gear. I want more options for bottoms, I want skirts, I want LONG skirts, I want socks!! Tall socks, legwarmers, thick knit socks, stripey socks, slay thigh-highs, patterned tights, them lil sock garters. Many thing!! I wish the system was robust enough to mix and match elements... If I want to take THESE gloves and put them with THIS jacket.... I want to be able to wear multiple accessories on the head, you just should be able to select which one you actually want to count for abilities. Say you want the abilities of the hat, then you could stack glasses and face masks purely cosmetically...

It'd be fun to be able to tinker with your expression more often... If your character is more squinty, or eyes always lidded, or really pinprick pupils stare. O_O Smiley, or foosi, hrmnn I wish the animations could be more customized to your personality, I want to be able to be like... 'No, my character would never smile while running around with this weapon...' Also since people are playing with their friends all the time, we should be able to do lil gestures between each other, like do a handshake, fist-bump, hug, dance together, MANY THING, I wish it was soo focused on being able to play pretend with each other LOL... I think people are making due with what they have, stitching together footage, coordinating with friends, but I wish it was easier for all of us... I wish app integration was all about, fashion, being able to have a dollmaker you can tinker with on your phone, easily take screenshots, built in filters... An interface that's more user-friendly than what they have rn (it feels abit difficult for a dummy like me...)

My greatest priorities. My next wave of desires is more variable stages, with more interesting design, I know they have to be Functional and stripped down because we're just rats in a maze, but still... I felt really let down by how Splatoon 3 was going to be Wastelands but then it really felt like... mrhh, normal city, normal super populated modernized feeling stages... I know we have Scorch Gorge but that is not enough for me lol, I wish everything was on theme at LEAST... While I doubt the game could ever be that customizable (utter pipedream...) I'm at least hoping splat4 could at leastttt lean into it's aesthetic hard enough... I'd really like it to be feudal japan lol, give me that aesthetic full boor... I'm at this point where I'm like he it wouldn't have to be that unique or original tbh, I'd just enjoy seeing a very cohesive aesthetic,,, not so modern and sleek, please...! If ninty could do me that much... 😮‍💨

For these two, I've always seen them as naturally being drawn away from the arena over time, which comes with an increase of risk. I would say they both desire more intense consequences of harm, and seek it mutually, but also aren't thinking entirely about how this could go 'too far'.

Going on a tangent (sort of) (it's related) but, I think of inklings on the whole as desensitized to violence, and lacking a complete understanding of their own mortality. They're recreationally popping each other all the time — there's just a lot of rules & structures in place to allow this — but it's easy to become so used to it as a baseline. Part 2 of what complicates this, is that inklings are quite resilient, able to withstand a lot on their body, with an impressive regenerative ability. Even without a respawner, you could come back from something near-fatal, I think the 'point of no return' is harder to cross.

While I would say Harpoon and Ruki are a little more contemplative than your average inkling, they are just stupid thrill-seeking teens. And the feedback loop of harming/being harmed is something euphoric, easy to lean into, as opposed to forging direct communication (which they are bad at.) It's a way to express passion and interest, without having to say anything... I think they can both start to feel as though their relationship simply doesn't need to be anything other than this. It feels so good, better than anything they've ever experienced, so they want to keep pressing the Feel Good button. Just as well, Harpoon is egotistical and greatly enabled by Ruki's complete submission to him, she will not balk at him as he bulldozes forward with her. It sets a precedent for worse treatment lol, as he can endlessly get away with doing, anything to her. And she'll allow it. And clearly like it. So, problem.

To get into specifics, I used to imagine them in arenas after hours, though in kind of derelict crevices, Behind the walls and partitions for the proper matches. But nowadays with Avvy, we've come up with a setting that fills this function; a building explicitly for 1v1 matches called the Fingerling Frontlines. It's supposed to be for young self-conscious sploons, it's a bit run-down, not so glamorous, as the town they live in (Whale Fall) is quite small in scale/population. (Nowhere near the size of Inkopolis...) They'd move here for privacy, renting out the space for hours, just to have intense matches where the only objective really is that Harpoon is going to pursue Ruki all about with his e-liter. There's no objective with like, turf or her retaliating; they have no need for that. Like this, Harpoon also doesn't have to shy away from doing things like, yanking her, pinning her to the ground, which would be totally illegal in a normal match. Using both his hands and the 'liter in various ways, trip her, step on her, pin her, drive the tank into her body, bash her head, etc. There's so much interplay at this point... and only a desire to push it further!!

This is when things get dangerous basically, as you start to get into... freely restraining and stringing her up, choking her... gutting her with a knife. Purposefully shutting down any respawners available at the place, for the purpose of drawing things out as much as possible. Again, she could live through a lot, they could really push the bounds of what is OK... I think when Harpoon 'breaks', it's a moment of passion, compulsion to do something crazy to her, like cut her throat, or continuously bash her head into the ground, or reach his hands into her body and squeeze her heart himself. It's mostly a 'with hands', very close-range feeling thing. I think beaks are quite sharp and he could rip her apart with teefers even, aourhh, many things... Ruki could bleed out and that's that...

I always imagine for Ruki it's more of a serene feeling, accepting wholly she is going to die.. Even if there was some primal panic beforehand, ultimately she accepts this as Harpoon's decision, of what to do with her life. She's happy to be given a sense of purpose... doing something for him. She's not able to worry about being missed. As for Harpoon, it's a lot more complicated for him, as it's... both unfathomably satisfying to the crazy possessive sadist brain (took her life, forever...) but also devastating, all that he couldn't do for her, all that he didn't know about her; it'll crash down upon him. Complicated feelings of remorse... What's wrong with him? (And yet not entirely able to regret doing it, and couldn't say he wouldn't do it again?? If he could.) It's rough. To get this far I just imagine they have not consummated, not kissed or nothin', a kind of tragedy that they couldn't get further in this. Harpoon does not last long after, taking his life, as a form of atonement & not leaving Ruki alone. Shinjuu vibes... Sometimes I think of him immediately offing himself, other times lingering and going through Ruki's apartment, belongings, and (depending on the circumstance) keeping her body. Any number of things. But ultimately he will die too. There's nothing for him after this.

Sad of course, but I think there's also ways Harpoon feels a kind of... poetic acceptance of this as an end for them, as a conclusion of their natures. Maybe it couldn't be more than this... I think in the end, it's better to have experienced this together, than lived life without her. Just one of many possible timelines.

Hahaha... Don't worry, I really was delighted to hear harpooki be referred to as Avvy's OCs, it's still tickling me to no end... She's taken so much responsibility of them... they're hers now............. (cackles)

Oh but ah, actually another detail is, I helped Avvy construct the playlist she posted, so I stand wholly by her picks. We exchange music back and forth freely, and discuss lyrics, meaning, we basically worked on this together. Her choices are my choices...

But what I can say is that since then, we've thought of a couple more songs to add, so-!

Thingamajig by Miya Folick
A capacity of groveling, lowly emotions, letting someone do anything to you, that I think Ruki is capable of... I really love how soft and aching this song is.

If you want to be angry
I don’t mind, I’ll let you go
If you want to be angry
I don’t mind, I’ll leave you alone

I am sorry
I know I am wrong

So take it all
I want to be out of control
So take it all
I want to be out of control

Only you know what to do now
Only you know what to do

Strange Darling by Miya Folick
For Harpoon, who finds his own feelings new, surprising, and at times unreliable (from a lack of experience with intimacy...) He's so often distant, Ruki makes him curious about his own response to her though. Just a sweet song really... boy in love.

Nothing ever ends the way you thought it would when you started
This song's not gonna be what it seems to me now
And no one ever is what my instinct told me when I first met them
Except for you, maybe
I thought you were the strangest thing
Except for you, darling

And have my feet ever led my mouth to water?
What is it that made them lead me to you?
And have my eyes ever feasted so fully?
Or just on you
I think you’re the strangest thing
Or just on you, darling?

Memory Palace by Angelo De Augustine
Uahh really makes me think about the angst, malaise, misanthropy both of them can experience on their own... A sense of helplessness. But I like that this is contrasted by the emotion brought out by each other. The aspect where they met as children means there's a kind of unconscious yearning at times. Someone you've been waiting for...?

On my own
I've got nowhere to roam
Options disappearing
Reveling in oblivion
Voices calling the game
I lent them my name with desire to know
How long will you endure
If you're all I'm waiting for?
[...]

A life where we find out
Why you're all I dream about
[...]

Mausoleum
Life inscribed into stone
Malice counterbalanced
A millennium regrettable
Voices frail and vain slept in the wind and the rain
Laid to rest evermore
No hurt left to endure
Being all I've waited for

Like a Pen by The Knife
Just very good for overall harpooki vibesszzz~

Sharpen my body like a pen
Come on, I need to show it
Something too small for a lens
If I rub it, if I wipe it
Guiding with one single hand
Nothing's wrong, you like the feeling
I am all over the land
Come on, I need to show it

Back on the mountain again
I was standing watching seasons
You're now my only friend
I'm too heavy, I'm the burden
Sitting and picking on myself
It's a shiny, shiny morning
And when the light finds my eye
I'll be fleeting like a scent

I hold my breath and then count to three
On and on, outworn
Must be five hundred degrees
Can't sail on, outworn

(～￣▽￣)～ enjoy....

Interesting questionnn... It's almost tricky for me to define my 'first art' with kissing/touching, because we'd have to define the sense of 'accomplishment'... When I describe being really frustrated with my own skill, I was ~14-18 for that, and agonized about not being able to feel as though I was getting anywhere with my pieces... but I had technically drawn kissing/touching repeatedly during those years... and I had even done it as a child haha. A lot of my art in the single digits was of twee love stories happening between animals, like... two squirrels falling in love, kissing, having babies, nursing babies, it was all like this. Little bobbleheads pressing their snouts together in a kiss, a heart above them. Of course... as I aged, I started to desire things outside of my skill level. Thus commence my agony over my art.

While I'm here, I'll mention I vividly remember my first real drawing of Sex. It was when I was 11, in the 6th grade, hunched over a little notebook that functioned as a diary of mine. I drew my human OCs at the time, as a plusle and minun having sex... somewhat inspired by a comic/animation I had seen online (that was a joke about, magnetism or wtfever, but my brain was like 💦 ssssex...) It was entirely crude, on par with my depictions of kissing at the time; just two chibi creatures in doggystyle position. But was very bold in my mind. Ahhh... he's fucking herrrr.... I'm drawinggg the mating, not just the babies that result in it...

From then on you can imagine many haphazard attempts at sex, kiss, touch, that feel flimsy and immaterial. Years of this, crying, etc etc. Because I was miserable about my skill, I'm not sure when I felt as though I actually 'managed' it — it didn't feel as though it happened with a singular piece... I had to make an overall improvement in my art, to feel better. I'd say at 18-19, I felt as though I could finally pose bodies and draw humans. I remember pieces like this feeling like a major improvement to my history of drawing humans as stick figures. But ehh it took being 21-22 to actually feel more competent, consistently enough... I don't have many examples readily on hand but this at least conveys a casual/looseness with interactions... More confidence?? Overall you could say. I started doing commissions more often around then as well, which I would say further trained my muscles for depicting various kinds of intimacy.

I would say the overall positive feeling of having improved at this... Is extremely satisfying. I find that there's a lot more satisfaction looking back and reminiscing on pieces especially... Perhaps it's less explosively 'in the moment' euphoria, but rather, a lot of lasting self-satisfaction, pride, in what has been accomplished... I like seeing things I did 2, 5, 7 years ago, that still make me go 'yesss I was on it!!' 'this is so crazy of me lol' 'this rules...' And I feel as though I can so often think, me as a kid would be soo into this... He would be agog at what I do now... He'd appreciate both the skills to execute them and the raw concepts.... It'd blow his mind.

Which feels verrry good to think about... I still have my low points, of feeling crude and not very capable, but there's plenty of positive moments to make up for it. ٩(｡•́‿•̀｡)۶

I did see the new trailer... Currently, the material is too vague and short for me to meaningfully have thoughts of my own. >> It was like this for Rebellion though, I wasn't able to anticipate much about the plot, I just have memories of seeing alluring tidbits and yelling internally. Why Homura point gun at head? You know. In this case... I'm like 6_9 uauurhh... d-dancing... girls... ?? World looks crazy... DUNNO what is happening to Sayaka, she looks so messed up HAHA, uhh being run ragged by this world or something...? I hope we disrespect her. Meanwhile I've seen other people inferring that the various Homuras are the clara dolls & I think that's the best assumption anyone can make...

As for the implications of that, well. Ideally, the clara dolls will just represent factions of Homura's psyche, which are warring with 'what to do' with Madoka. I've always thought the way that Homura is 'Ai' is very painful... I'd be curious to see how the other dolls are presented and the interplay. I know that familiars tend to be treated like their own entity when it comes to witches, but I'd like to think Homulily is nonstandard for a witch, and especially at this point, she's become a being that doesn't really fit in our typical definitions of 'magical girl', 'witch', or otherwise. Sooo... hm, like, I guess I feel amuuuused at the idea of there being multiple Homuras? It's not a direction I would have gone myself lel, but I feel open to it, very well could be interesting. Rebellion was a movie centered on Homu's internal psyche so I'd want Walpurgis Rising to carry that torch. 9.9 I do not really want it to be toooo.... abstract, nonsense, fighting, but I'm also not going to be devastated if it's not my cup of tea, at this point. I'm going in with an Open Mind, but a cautious one as well.

Cumrot mind is also like, Perhaps Madoka will be volleyed around between many crazy Homuras. What fun that could be! Perhapsss.... (◔◡◔)

Heh yes I am fond of HxH... My simple heart, likes Gon/Killua... a romance that blossoms from friendship. :> I still collect art of them, and kinda phase in and out of writing down ideas, tinkering AUs, this and that. It's something smoldering in the background, for years. In the past couple years, I've been able to consider Alluka/Killua as well! And there's more art being drawn of them as of late... :0c I'd say GonKiruAru is a solid OT3 at this point. I love Alluka's place in Killua's life, and her personality meshes well with Gon's, as they feel quite similar... It makes me think Killua works best with excitable, playful dummies ww. A taste, if you will...

For mine own indulgence, I really like to turn Killua into a girl... He's one of those shotas that just pings as a Beautiful Girl to me, and he kind of has the energy of being Gon's moody girlfriend. 12 yo girl having a crush vibes... This is an important element of it all. It's not very yaoi in my heart rly... speaking honestly.

I've rambled about killugon more deeply in this previous retro if you'd like to read more!

Yes I did... I am subscribed to the newsletter, as I like to keep up with progress on DR's upcoming chapters🐽💨 This extra tidbit surprised me! But I suppose it was in honor of UT's anniversary, so it makes sense to get a lil dose of Asriel's feelings for Chara... This kind of thing validates me to how central their relationship is to the game. It's such a cute addition, much like that update that happened during the holidays...

Anyways what things like this inform me is that Asriel really really internalized everything Chara said to him, as if it were incredibly important to do so. I think Chara spoke in a naturally matter-of-fact way, that gave Asriel the impression that they were very smart. B-but, it seems that the truth is more that, Chara was a weird little kid with ritualistic beliefs... Really I imagine they were like ~8 and this belief about numbers is about what I'd expect. It makes Asriel and Chara both feel like two dummies at times lol... They're not as smart as they perceive themselves to be...

But well, I think Chara just felt confident about 'this is the best way to do this', 'this is how the world works', is all. Perhaps generally kind of grim and severe in a way that Asriel is not used to in the general populace of complacent monsters. And well Asriel is an edgelord, so that grimmness speaks to him, and he's greatly sentimental over it... I've always felt this to be how their dynamic works. Updates like this just make me feel very valid I guess.. like, yep-! That's them...

Gosh though, Asriel sure thinks about their scary face so much, doesn't he... the way it's listed amongst things like flower picking and sharing laughter... It makes me think Asriel is infatuated in a very sick way... You need help, Azzy!! (laughs.)

Nooot really! I've seen as these things have been popping up in the past couple years... They're a little inscrutable to me. 9.9 I'm not very good with series that require a lot of, scavenger hunts, keeping track of events, umm, like Milgram has audio dramas and a voting element right? It's not something that feels easily summarized in a wiki, nor easy to do a quick tab through of the content... Kind of hard to wrap my teeth around anything!

The second aspect that I have been kind of confuzzled about is... Both Alien Stage and Milgram have an element of characters being executed potentially... Gameshows? Killing games?? A bunch of characters trapped somewhere, have to do [x] or else they die — not my cup of tea... I don't like this as a means of breeding tension & drama. Not really the type who wants to see romance blossom in a saw trap... generally speaking... Your danganronpas and hunger games... I do not wish for them...

I find that media cobbled together this way, uses it as an excuse to get a bunch of disparate archetypes in the same room, as everyone is hostage or wtfever, I guess it feels like having too many main characters in the room, competing with their extreme personalities... Also er, I struggle when something is such a multimedia project like this, where there's surely like big name seiyuus and composers, and it all feels packaged together with the intention to appeal to as many people as possible ig, I don't get much of a sense of personability... Not like someone had a story to tell here. *scratches head* Or if they did, I have a hard time seeing it — an accessibility issue then?? I'm speaking very broadly bc it all is very inscrutable for me, like I said before. 9.9

Perhaps I'm a simple soul and need more structure... That being said, nothing has been very tempting, visually or narratively, so I am maybe unmotivated to investigate anything...! Mayhaps come back to me when there's some sort of horny lolishota AMV series, HAHA. That's what it took for me to get into vtubers sooo. ¯\(°_o)/¯

Hmm, have a bit of a troublesome rship with grav falls, as I have many frustrations with it & it's execution & its creator. =.= It feels like beating a dead horse though to get into it, as I've talked about it in various instances in the past, so [WAVES HAND QUICKLY...] Just imagine that I have a lot of gripes... buuuut I can admit it simultaneously occupies a kind of nostalgia for me, as I was very excited when getting into it at first. >> And I had a phase of drawing fanart and romping around excitedly. You can find some art in this thread.

I do like pinecest though. Dipper and Mabel are the one thing I still care about... Can't change the fact that I was very infatuated with Dipper Pines and called him my girlfriend (???) for a while. And I have some nebulous kinnie feeling for Mabel so, I still like to look at art of them at times. I've talked about pinecest in the past, so I will paste this old response from 2021... err. It feels clunky upon rereading it, but I hope it is adequate... So:

"*shyly wiggles...* Thank you for being interested in my pinecest feefees... I am quite shy about this ship, but! If you'd really like to hear then, here I go.

For starters, I feel I should mention my history with pinecest, briefly, is rather um... Yearning, haw. When I got into Grav Falls and was drawing fanart, I definitely had "het cringe" and didn't want to be seen enjoying a basal het ship (this was at a time where incest wasn't villainized so much so that was Not an element of my embarrassment btw). Anyways this was happening during the like, 3 years I shipped gay stuff only (LOL), and I was the typical... "haha het stuff dumb, gay stuff only now! I have advanced" mindset. I got allured into GF by seeing so much noncon, torture of Dipper Pines, so I naturally just pursued Billdip for pure noncon horny. And, admittedly I dooo like some of Bill's imagery and base concept — a dream demon. I was very enchanted by the dreamscape and wanted to see more interplay of that... I think the 'demon' quadrant of my brain could not help but vibe it. And. For some reason. I have an intense thirst for Dipper. More on that later.

Mysteriously, however, despite hanging out with Billdip shippers, and mostly focusing on, reading fic of, and seeking art of Billdip, I naturally found myself drawing Mabel a lot?? Like some mysterious strong Mabel feelings. I didn't expect them for myself at all. Most people presume I would relate to Dipper, actually, but I never have, despite it all. It's not quite 'me'. Mabel struck something more precisely, however, enough that I ended up workshopping a lot with her despite not (consciously) having a ship. I remember feeling perplexed by how little Billdip I drew, in reality.

Eventually I made an AU where Mabel actually 'fused' with Bill, and essentially got his powers. Bill the entity himself was not present in her, he uh, essentially got Juiced into just the raw abilities. And, I realize that is, all I wanted from Bill in the end. I condensed him and then injected Mabel with demon juice lol. I had a friend at the time who loved Tyrone, and had an RP blog and encouraged me to join. For, whatever reason, our muses had crazy chemistry with one another and it devolved into shippy nonsense and NSFW RP, despite neither of us, planning it. So. I wrote a lot of not-quite-pinecest for a minute.

Tsundere as I was, though, I kept telling myself it wasn't really it... and, kept achingly looking at That One Big Pinecest artist (you know the one.) I was like SIGH. [presses hand to glass]

Eventually I just moved on. And, as GF continued, I did not like, where it wound up. So pinecest always has this 'the one that got away' quality of — if only I had been relishing it in the hayday, and enjoying it for what it was. But every now and then I crawl back to it, to think about Dipper and Mabel...

To answer what I like about it, I think it's simple; I like sibling incest, and think their dynamic is cute... and also sad! The aspect where Mabel is very attached and doesn't want their time together to end, while Dipper is so self-obsessive and neurotic he can't stop caring about how he is perceived — so he wants to grow up, and not be a dumb little kid. It is! Painful! I wish to cure Dipper of his disease that makes him care about this stuff. He needs it!! He is not happy!!!! GF has bad. Messages about masculinity so I would love to unpack that sh*t also! Save Dipper-!! From this horrible pit where he is self conscious and miserable!

And, Mabel just is a good girl, I feel like she deserves, sibling kiss. If it is what she wants. And, personally, I think it is.

Ah um, there's such a funny element to pinecest for me.... er. So, I have some sort of kin emotion for Mabes... it feels so intense. I don't actually have loli thirst for her, like usual. For, whatever reason, that thirst is pointed at Dipper. But like. Also for some reason? I see Dipper as. A girl???? I have very thirstily thought about Dipper's pussy and tits... I used to. Call him my girlfriend? Crazily?? Omg it's. Like so embarrassing I do not know. What this emotion is. I kind of have to just accept the confusion is that Me, Bird, is looking at the Mabel in me's adoration, like "... hey mabes... wanna explain wtf this is..." and she's like "I WUV DIPPERRRR!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3" .. and we just have to. Reach a mutual understanding about this.

Anyways, moving onto, "what I want to do with this ship"... It's kind of embarrassing and convoluted feeling. but! I will try and be brave. Okay.

So... I know it is not an uncommon HC in fandom to think of Dipper as a trans boy, because Dipper and Mabel look similar enough that you could assume they are identical twins. I've actually always ascribed to this HC (this is notable, as I don't ah, usually have trans HCs or agree with fandom trans HCs...) — I've illustrated it, even. I am often working within this 'canon'. I like to think that Dipper and Mabel's parents are supportive and willing to let Dipper choose for himself this path, and start presenting male this young. Oh, but I like to think that they are supportive in a... mm... still 'distant' sort of way. It's not that they are so involved and close with Dipper that they deeply care about this journey as much as, they're like financially stable and it isn't a big deal to them, if this is what Dipper wants, and so -adheres-.

... [more awkwardly] but actually, as me and Avvy have talked about this more... We've discussed how we see Dipper's insecurity of his masculinity as born of a need to overcompensate, as a trans boy. And, in the first place, the desire to transition being more born out of self-hate... not out of chasing a truer self, but more out of escapism, from being unable to reconcile with the idea of himself as a 'girl'. While I know most people would explore these emotions as simply an essential part of being trans, me and Avvy actually have craved a sort of 'deconstruction' of what it means for Dipper to have these emotions. The ways dysphoria is not so cut and dry.

As is, I really do not like the concept of a young trans boy just being toughened up by his old Grunkle and then, erm, just becoming a 'man' — though fwiw I hate this concept even through the lens of Dipper being cis in canon. Still, specifically in the context of HCs, it sucks so bad... Successfully being seen as 'one of the boys' simply netting Dipper being belittled and mocked for the reasons a nerdy, neurotic little boy. Honorary receiving the same kind of degradation... it is not what he desired, or sought, upon pursuing this identity.

Perhaps it is just me being stinky also, but I don't think of Stan as. Progressive. So, I do think, if he. Found out Dipper was trans eventually, that it would bolster his emotion of "LOL that's why you're a wimpy, shrimpy sissy boy... I see". But this is me taking that "old-fashioned" mindset to the bank :/ If, Stan has intrinsic belief that boys need to be treated differently than girls, and as Dipper's Grunkle he should berate/belittle him and challenge him, because that's what Guys Do. Then. It makes logical sense to me that his rational would make him biased towards if Dipper was not 'really' a boy to him.

Anyways, walking this back a bit, before Dipper actually goes to Grav Falls that summer, I imagine his childhood was a friendless one. Mabel is more of the social butterfly, Dipper was more bookish and isolating... Awkward, and not good at interactions. And, admittedly so self-obsessed and narrow-sighted that he would not make for a good friend. He stays within the comfort zone of sister. But, there is pain in feeling like, a shitty, frumpy nerd girl, next to your sweet amicable sister. It's not very endearing, is it. Being bullied often for being withdrawn and nerdy, and forming sensitivity to the birthmark, only making things worse. It is painful to think about having to be a girl for more years of school, deal with more of this treatment. Guys don't have to deal with this... Wouldn't it be so much nicer to shed the tackiness of dresses and skirts and, pink, and what-all? If it isn't even going to look good on you, all the better. Just. Drop this dead weight.

[distracted for a moment] and, if Dipper is, attracted to girls, it is even more like. I can't be. An ugly gay girl. I can't do this. Perhaps, subconsciously there is a desire to make life easier, also. But this is an errant thought, I haven't actually contemplated that deeply about this aspect. OH but — related to this tangent. I kind of have amused myself by thinking about Dipper starting to ID as male and simultaneously, Mabel begins to become boy crazy, and the vibes are weird. Lol. But moving on...

For Mabel, there is sadness in losing sister, but Dipper is Dipper, so she loves him, and cares about him of course. But she will start to feel the divide between them more, as Dipper also doggedly pursues becoming more independent and not attached. Not wanting to be twinning all the time, and feeling embarrassed ! basically not able to handle the 'cringe'! It's very sad.

but... But. All these pieces are set up, so that once their summer at Grav Falls starts, they need to collide...! I would like to use Grunkle Stan as god's test to Dipper, of — do you really want this? To be this? ... even if Stan is being unfair, it still forces Dipper to really think hard. And consider, the future. What does it mean to be a boy.. to, become a man? Maybe it. Isn't so great, in reality. Maybe it... maybe it's. Just. Not something you can handle thinking about, for very long. Abstract and, difficult. Having to think about — once, puberty happens, getting a binder, and being offered.. hormones... The future of top surgery. It all can feel... oppressive...!

As an aside, both me and Avvy have had grief about the 'future' of our gender ID that we were experimenting with, in the past — when we had to think about what it meant to 'be' this, and live as this, it was suddenly like. Oh I can't. Do that. And this is where I wish more stories about gender could meaningfully talk about when things were multi-layered, and not so simple... How, sometimes looking at the projected 'track' that other people go on — the key Beats of this journey — it can freak you out, suddenly! The preciousness of what you had prior to the new ID leaps out! It's like . Ah. I can't. Give up my boobs! or, I don't want to be NB when having sex. I don't want to be seen as this, engaged with as this... It can smack you in the face!

Between the forces of Stan and the teens in Grav Falls, Dipper feels put in a centrifuge of. Oh my god! I don't want this actually. DKFJSGHDK!! but walking it back, also SO humiliating to think about... Miserable! Well, now you'll look like a stupid kid having a phase, won't you-!? It's not very beautiful, is it-!?!? ... but Mabel is, ever patient and, a source of solace. She won't judge! And she'll just be happy to help!

We like to think of Dipper quietly, in private letting Mabel use she/her and sister again... It's like <3 <3 <3 secrets... <3.... and ah, eventually walking Dipper back into being a girl, essentially... Through support and. Sister kiss. I would like this to be like a rekindling of their closeness, and a moment to experiment when away from home... with intimacy. Hehe. As they become closer, they would be prone to keeping more secrets between them, and their adventures in GF become more insular. Cozy to think about, becoming mutually obsessive... as it is, while Mabel is the overtly clingy one in canon, Dipper has his own moments of being WEIRD about Mabel so. I want to explore that

And on top of all this, I do want to utilize the supernatural elements of Grav Falls and create more chicanery! Peril! And dire circumstances... and um, crazy sex, as I always crave. But at the moment, this is basically the skeleton for this ship. I would someday like to illustrate stuff... I really would. Whenever I have the gd time...

So basically, would like to detransition Dipper and have her get fingered by sister. Thaaaaanks for listening."