cw: abusive relationship mention

I don't know if I can really quantify the pain of it, anon. For me, because my relationship was abusive and unhealthy, it started out "okay" at first (because in a relationship like that, you do your grieving of the relationship being over DURING the relationship... only real ones know.

It was "fine" for a while. Really. Then, maybe a month later, the undeniable ache of loneliness hits because you miss what Was. It's a numbness and emptiness that only really can be described as losing a piece of your entire being and having it shatter in front of you.

Now there's a piece of you (or even piece(s) of you) that are marred and you can't get them back. Now, you have to fill those gaps and holes with new experiences.

New hobbies, new friends, new goals, anything you can find that you can rebuild yourself wirh. The parts of you in that relationship or that that relationship took from you are gone. The 'you' PRIOR to that life-change is gone. There is no "easy" way to accept it, but the impact that people have on you (positive or negative) changes the tragectory of your entire life.

Does it get better? For a while, it won't seem like it. And no one tells you its okay to feel like that, but it is. It is completely normal to feel like you're coming undone at the seams. Let yourself feel. If you don't, it will make it more difficult in the long run. Something precious to you is gone -- memories remain. Savor the good, work through the bad. Surround yourself with positive people, family if you've got it. Make new friends, reconnect with old ones. It's harder than it sounds, I know. Talk to someone (a professional) if your thoughts become too much. They are trained to help people just like you through life changes and that INCLUDES a break-up. It's not worth ending your story over.

It does get better, my friend. Just like how storms crest and wane. The lightning's gonna be intense for a while, the wind will howl, the rain will fall. But all that allows the grass and the flowers too bloom later, right?

I'm sorry you're going through it. It's okay to cry. Stay safe, my friend. It does get better.

(And I'm sorry for this long ass reply -- a short reply would NEVER answer your question imo). ♡