Dear J,

Let me do this for the first and last time. Let me remove you from my thoughts into this letter.

I’ve received your birthday wishes. To be honest I didn’t expect you to show up. How lonely one must be to open her anonymous portal on her birthday night? Very. I hardly can write about you because my brain won’t let me.

Kak, here I want to break my walls off. I wanted your love, your warm embrace, your sweet words. I missed you when you’re gone, when you’re busy, when you’re sleeping. I enjoyed our time together–loved it even. I longed for your kisses–they softened my rough edges though some parts are always gonna stay the same. I wanted you to myself. I wanted to read you as if you were a book of a lifetime. There’s so much I wanted to say to you. I’m sorry that my pride was too high. I told you about my past, how my wound has shaped me. I hate that I couldn’t say anything to you that day. If I did, would you stay?

But no, I won’t ask you to come again. It’s selfish. I just wanted you to know, you lighted up my days too. Your warmth was all that I ever needed. To be loved by you will forever be the greatest time I will always cherish. If freedom is what makes you the happiest, I’ll be happier for you.

Lastly, I hope you live a blissful life. I hope your path is filled with great things and the end journey brings you happiness. Take this goodbye as my last hug.

• Your once was, Princess.