Hi Okta, i know that we might barely know each other but I can assume that deep inside you’re actually alone, each days you try to fill and fill each of those voids but nothing changes at all. Later you’re just trying to get a validation or two from those around you, but it's never enough for you. and you are getting more and more thirsty for validation that is even pseudo and doesn't help at all. That's why you keep showing off like a mirrorball trying its best to attract any light to it so it looks stunning all the time. Perhaps in the end you just do all of this just for other people's validation, not for yourself anymore. If likened, perhaps you are a beautiful painting, from afar, but whenever there’s a people come closer to observe you, they will see more details that you may not be as perfect as you seem. If that is true, I only hope that you’ll stay true to yourself and carry out every of your work just for your own satisfaction not for other people validation. One day there will be a person who see you for who you really are and love you unconditionally.