he’d blame himself for being so useless and dumb so he wouldn’t tell anyone. he’d just pick at his fingers and bite his lip nervously everytime his professor tells him to meet him after the lecture ends. after a while his lecturer suddenly stops calling him, in fact he completely ignores him and beomu is both relieved that he’s apparently doing better in his classes and that he won’t get violated anymore, but also suddenly feels at a loss. suddenly he doesn’t understand what the rules are and he’s convinced he’s never doing anything right but the lecturer refuses to so much as look his way, so he starts to flunk on purpose, misbehaving in class, hoping his lecturer will finally ask him to stay back after class again. and it works. but this time beomu is much more enthusiastic about his punishments. asking the lecturer to be firmer. to hit him harder so he understand just how important every rule is, begging him to call him disgusting names and insults so he knows just how important his grades are