Well, I’ve got good news and bad news for you.

Good News: Congratulations on making it this far! Most people, upon coming into contact with Eden’s wrecking-ball of a rear, end up with a few broken bones and caught in the center of a impact crater, so good on you for surviving that!

Bad News: Your body is now forcefully squished between roughly a quarter of a metric ton of ass fat and swollen muscle, capable of shattering a pelvis like it’s made of glass. Once more, should you be uncovered between her corpulent cheeks, Eden won’t be happy (I refer you to my previous statement). Good luck and may Eden have mercy on you!