omg this is so vindicating! i mean, i knew i was right haha but the people got Upset. but his image also lends itself for that so they should've been mad at that then 😤 i haven't read fics in at least half a year but i can imagine how his longer hair now and some of the outfits contributed more to this! to be clear, i don't think that's bad at all, i actually think it could benefit the writers if they'd explore it on purpose, both as a story and also as self-exploration.. i loooved doing that. but when it was clearly unintentional, it also put me off a lot! antis complain about clearly tagged dead dove being triggering but if it's Not tag and clumsy like those flx characterizations it's actually much more unsettling and harder to avoid! anyway, i appreciate that you saw that old post and came to tell me your thoughts <3 hope you're well!

thank you so much for sending these 🥺💖
Graffiti: Have you ever had to research something that felt illicit or illegal for a fic? What was it?
hmm i mean i researched nsw's laws on incest and age of consent and that felt squirmy and i feel like i've researched other stuff that is technically illegal for fighting scenes or smthng but i forgot?? but the discomfort is part of the writing process imo like the topics are uncomfortable and whether the narration shows that or not, it's why i'm writing about them.

Photography: What's one moment from any of your fics that you feel is preserved in your memory?
my brain fog is really getting tested today ahaha i usually kinda forget about fics once i've posted them (which is why i have fun reading my own stuff lol) but from apple of my eye, i rewrote the shower scene quite often so that one is stuck in my memory. and the two couch scenes that both marked a crossing of lines, the one with the heated water bottle and the one with the basketball shorts! those are the essence of dadson to be imo and i think they turned out really sexy. what about you? I'm very curious if people remember scenes from my stuff after a while!

I'm so sorry it took 2 weeks for me to reply :/ i kinda forgot all about the fic ahdshfs but let me try:

Creative: free space! share something you've been dying to share about your writing! Could be an OC that never gets the limelight, a moment you were proud of, or anything else you'd like to share

I feel like it might be reduntant to talk about this, but it was important to me to write from Chris's perspective cuz I wanted to explore the journey of hypocrisy that he has to go through and the story would be entirely different if I had written Felix's pov. like i could write the same scenes but they'd appear completely different. Even what they say would change, based on what Chris omits and what Felix would want to hear and what he connects it to. Mostly, Chris desire would be much more obvious and his back and forth between acting on it and supressing it much more harrowing. The theme of religion would also be much stronger, like I really only allude to it cuz Chris feels so much Guilt, but Felix goes to church quite often and prays every night and before meals and all that christian nonsense of needing to be Good really influences his character since that's how he coped with the loss. she would also appear more visually in photos and memories. If i had the energy and the passion for skz still, i would have fun writing the entire thing from Felix's perspective.. write more about minho too... and what he's doing to jisung :) cuz he's getting that middle-aged hole <3

Guernica: look through a few of your imagery/descriptions in this work. Are they generally straightforward, or are they more "abstract"?

My descriptions are usually quite forward, only rarely do I use some abstract language to convey a setting or a character, but obviously this Chris omits A Lot. Especially when he's in control (of his feelings, of the scene, of felix). He chooses what to show the reader. Imagery, however... well there's a lot lol here the main three: water, the ocean and the pool: desire, the unknown, fear and then momentary relief, comfort, familiarity. then the house as a home and a cell, family and loneliness, absence and presence at once. Chris lies a lot about how much time he actually spends Outside and in community. Then the car as a liminal space, as a means to get from point a to b, the means to an end, as the safe space and yet the symbol danger and trauma.

There are a few more, i'm curious if any of you pick up on them :3

Cricut: are there any characters you've had to "cut" from a story? Are there any moments/chapters/stories you've had to "cut" entirely?

YES so many! I have an entirely different second act that I decided to delete and maaaybe repurpose. In it, Minho actually is on screen and is a much stronger vehicle for Chan's arc. And Jisung lusts after him. it's fun.
And then I have a bunch of small moments or scenes that I cut. Here's one:

In the evening, Chris regrets a lot of his life choices. 

"I used to love the beach, the sun, i love them, but now look at what that got me." He stares at his pink arms in misery. His lips hurt whenever he wets them with his tongue. “I used sunscreen every hour!”

Felix walks into the living room, not a spot of red skin on him, laughing like his father's misery is a joke."The sun loves you, dad."

 Chris rolls his eyes and closes them, sinking into the sofa. "Sure, mate. Can it be a little less intense about it?"

Small hands smear a cooling lotion onto his shins.  

"Aloe," Felix explains after Chris's yelp, grabbing his calves. “Let me, it’s gonna help.”

Chris grunts, in defeat and in pain. Felix’s warm palms feel like they’re scraping him raw even though his grip transforms into careful touches. His fingers dance down the arches of Chris’s feet, tapping the aloe vera onto his toes, a mean thumb jabbing into the underside of his left foot. 

“Cut it out,” Chris says, throwing an arm over his face to hide his grimace. 

“Ah, sorry. Hurt?”

He softens and relaxes his body. “Yeah. Guess even my feet are tense, hm?”

“I can give you a massage, I’ll be gentle.” The same thumb rubs the sole of his foot, big toe to his heel. 

A shiver sneaks up Chris’s leg. “Yeah nah, no need,” he says evenly. “Give me the aloe, I’ll do the rest.”

Without awaiting his son’s reply, he takes the uncapped lotion from him and applies it in quick, broad strokes to his thighs, arms and shoulders. He bites his teeth through the discomfort.