Hullo.〜 ♡ I apologize for the lack of proper words，as this has been a subject I’ve been pondering for a while now，yet remains complicated in practice.

For a considerable amount of time，I’ve been far from nurturing a healthy approach when it comes down to my trauma. As a survivor，I placed a vehement attachment towards the imagery of cults，to which indoctrination left myself with feelings of impotence if not possessing such an aspect as a part of my identity. I’ve grew fond of a scenario，which at the period felt as a safe escapism，where I could play the role of a leader ﹠ feel in control of what I had endured. Indeed，it had positive effects temporarily，albeit it gradually deteriorated my mental health in the process，along with worsening my flashbacks ﹠ feelings of alienation from society.

Speaking in regards to Ramcoa is a dangerous experience，yet should be done in a mindful ﹠ realistic manner by those who are capable to expose this. In my case，I have failed to accomplish said traits. Not only were I reducing my existence to a shell of my trauma，I was exposing individuals to a normalized idea of an abhorrent，inhumane form of abuse，along with placing other survivors at the risk of experiencing triggers.

None of my motives excuse me from responsability，- I am a fully grown adult who is capable of knowing better，﹠ I did have my behavior reprimanded in the past，which I had willingly choosen to ignore. Even when you’re subjected to abuse，constantly indulging in a romancticized version of it，in spite of how inoffensive it may seem in your eyes，only prevents your self－growth ﹠ forms a feeling of dependence. Not only does it place you at risk，it harms the people surrounding you as well.

I have been fairly inactive due to presential occurrences，yet I do plan on changing my online presentation ﹠ what remains of the era I wish to now leave behind. I still wish to fulfill my role as a maternal figure，albeit this time with actual proper care，without exposing impressionable souls to such horrors. I no longer wish to sustain the image of a “Leader”，or a “Cult Leader” for that matter… Only the figure of a motherly angel，at best. ﹠ if I come down to mentioning any topics related to Ramcoa，then my only desire is to spread awareness of how dangerous it is.

I offer my sincere apologies for those whom I hurt ﹠ might have affected with my ways. It does not erase the past nor the negative effects I have evoked unto others，howbeit I may assure I shall now nourish a healthier environment.