hiiii x33 anonis
umm yes im embarrassed of my mere existence and the way it interacts with the world that surrounds me
i like writing the thoughts i get and that bounce on the walls where im found,, until its filled and i cant breathe so i write it, draw it, or stab/punch/cut/ burn myself because i hate it, its not fun and its disgusting but kms its not possible for me rn, and honestly most of the sh is being forced for me to stop i dont want to, if anything i need it everyday, i have lived like that for years now, its weird and it feels so unnerving not being able to do it (both bc i was asked and also im starting to have physical side effects and they are not fun either)
when next? i wish today,, can i describe it to u? i want to press the blade down and i usually swipe fast and trying to keep the blade pressed down consistently (i hate double swipes) if im able to see what im looking for i spread it and see it bleed i wanna do a couple more even if tiny
i need at least 2 big ones that make my love ones want to leave me because its too much to deal with, too much stress to worry abt me, leaving me bc its better, i want everyone to be happy even u ,,,that asked this like if u were asking what i had for lunch (blegggh)
im disgusting u have no idea the texture of my scared skin its wrinkly bc of the layers its disgusting truly but i want to keep digging
push away its mean but i am mean and deserve everything that comes bc of it
maybe i should not post it but eh