Anonymous Coward · 1y
I’d like to clarify this is a good faith question and I have no interest in attacking you no matter what you answer, I love your work a lot. But I’m curious, how would you articulate why these fantasies are healthy, particularly from the perspective lots of people with dub/noncon fantasies may not have experienced sexual trauma? Feel free not to answer if it makes you uncomfortable! I’m an ex-anti, so I’ve got some work to do on… Deprogramming isn’t the right word, but it kinda is
This is a really good question! I will answer to the best of my ability, apologies if it is a bit rambling.
I am personally someone who has a history of sexual abuse from childhood into adulthood so for myself I am often very picky about the type of dubcon/noncon I indulge in. For me it is more a matter of the fantasy being about being forced to let go of control. I tend to prefer over stimulation and pleasurable situations as well. I am a very anxious and stressed person and these fantasies can help me just kind of... relax. Despite the fantasy being about lack of control I still have complete control and can engage and disengage as I please. I also just enjoy playing around with how my characters would deal with these things; from an outside perspective it is very interesting to play out and see what comes of a situation.
Now for folks who have not necessarily had sexual abuse trauma, engaging with these topics in a fantasy, where it is safe and you can back down if it is too much makes it easier to process something that is frightening. I honestly feel a lot of stuff to do with dubcon/noncon is being able to engage with something frightening or potentially traumatizing in a way that is safe, that has easy ways to back off and even completely discard if needed. You're able to better handle, look at and understand something that unnerves you if it is make believe. There is also the wonderful built in power play aspect which can be really sexy. And honestly, there is a lot of connection between fear and arousal. There is a certain thrill factor to these kinds of fantasies.
There have been so many studies on these kind of kinks by psychologists; it is extremely common and regarded as rather normal. Kinks and sexual fantasies are not something you get to choose or can really even kick. I would recommend reading some of the studies, there are MANY reasons that some people enjoy them and these can give you a little better understanding.
I could go on about other thoughts on the subject but I think that's enough for now. It's already very long. I hope that helps at least a little?
