I'm that anon that sent you a whole ass essay about coping with "problematic" kinks a bit over a week ago. I'm glad you found it comforting on some level. Learning to cope with the ugly parts of the human experience is hard, and many people will hate you for allowing the ugly parts to exist rather than trying to erase them and unfortunately many people don't seem to understand that things like kinks are not a good indicator of morality. There are places and people that can understand and accept you though, I promise. I feel for you here, and I hope things go well in the future.