I really enjoy your drawings and I think you're a cool person. I'm really sorry that I don't know how to help you. I really think you should invest some energy in trying to love yourself. (I don't mean that you haven't tried this, I'm clumsy with my words) I know it's hard but there IS a lot to love. You are passionate, you're an animal lover, you are creative, you are empathetic, you are morally good and want good things for others. Please give yourself the chance to heal and grow you genuinely deserve it.