ohhh the detrimental selflessness. soba has never been adverse to helping an individual- if someone asks, of course he'll help. he wants to help. he's been helping since he was a kid and he was one of the first people his younger siblings would turn to for help.

and then it twists. soba twists this idea of helping and doing good into being useful. he couldn't make it as a pirate, he's not useful in that way, but someone on the street asking him to find a lost pet or handing out flyers or thinning out beasts that stray too close to city state walls? he can be useful like that. joining an organization where the echo is paramount in defeating beings that feed off of aether and can warp the aether of other living beings? he can be useful in that way, too. if he's useful then he's needed. he's wanted. it's a nasty thought that settled in his head around the time he fought ifrit because he didn't actually know any of the scions, and none of them really knew him yet either. minfilia probably tried to talk to him, but in arr soba was a little bit more tight lipped about his thoughts and opinions when they pertained to himself.

so, in shadowbringers, with the exarch actually asking him for help in defeating the light wardens, with seeing first hand what the sin eaters entail and having the ghostly ardbert fill in gaps of his knowledge from before the flood, soba is needed on a massive scale. he's incredibly useful on a massive scale. if ryne weren't around, he would've put his foot down a little earlier, demanding answers on this secret plan no one deigned to fill him in on considering it's his life on the line and not theirs. but she is. and soba can't let her go through fighting the light wardens. not when she's less sure about her status as a person and about her desire to live than he ever was.

it's not that the scions wanted him to die, they absolutely Did Not want that to happen! at all! because he's their friend! and they're all well aware of what they've asked him to do in shadowbringers, but they didn't have time to think of a different way, and soba decided that he's going to see defeating the light wardens through to the end. because he was asked to. because he was needed. because he was useful.

it's a terrible headspace to be in. his boundaries were knocked down by his own hands, and he has to fix them with no idea how it got so bad in the first place.

then there's the matter of the DRK questline. during the quests up to 50, he and fray argued a lot because soba had no answer to "why does it have to be you?" but he kept helping anyway. his esteem asks the question: "what will you do when you aren't useful anymore?" and he had no answer still. his esteem is the selfish part of himself that he never allowed to grow when he had other things to worry about. were his siblings safe? is his crew well fed? will the wind keep while we sail? will there be a fight and how many will die from it? what will happen to the star if he fails? hydaelyn needs him, he can't turn back now because things are hard.

he learns, eventually, slowly, that he it's not his usefulness that makes people want him around. it's not about how well he can fight or how smart he is that makes him needed, it's his smile. how loud he laughs. how resolute his loyalty is. how kind he can be in the face of tragedy. he's needed and wanted not because he's hydaelyn's champion, rather that he's steadfast, and if he's simply asked for help, he'll be there.

it just takes a while for him to get there, is all.