ive got lots of people who love me and wish for my health, ppl who r helping me get the care i need regarding my issues, and all of them have seen me for exactly who i am, and still decided to stick by me.

u? ure a freak. uve got evil in you, and even though u might be good at hiding it, most people will notice one day. theyll see u for the freak shit u hide inside ur corroded mind, and theyll leave u. they will. and even if u manage to hold on to some of them by parading a fake persona around and pretending ure a good person, even if some of them wont ever notice, ull know. in ur heart of hearts, ull know what u are. u wish for people to get sick because of silly online discourse. bc of some yaoi. or, worse, bc they disagreed with the things ur favourite writer put on the internet.

u know its wrong to think this way, thats why u hide behind anon. u ticked that box before sending this message because u know ure a freak, u know its not right to do it, and that ppl will boil u for it, but u did it anyway. and u know what the real issue is? it truly means nothing to me. yea u influenced my life for the 5 minutes i took to type up this reply, but in another 5 ill move on and only remember this message superficially, it wont mean anything to me in the long run.

but u? ull stay like that. a freak ass bitch who goes thru life pretending to be happy, but not really tasting any of that joy because ure too disconnected from normalcy. itll show, just wait. one day ull wake up and realise that freak shit uve got in ur mind has seeped into ur real life, and ull be sorry u wasted so much of ur time being genuinely hateful. good luck :-)

╯︿╰ my lovely anon . ,..,

right . ,. i think for most people , they believe that those who dont live life the same as them are doing it because of a lack of care , or an unwillingness to Be Normal , but obviously it cudnt be further from the truth . its the fact that We Care that makes us take thigns slowly , because otherwise , things wouldnt turn out well at all .. im glad ure steadily working on finding a balance :-)

and ure so right about this , many of use go through periods in our lives due to outside and Inside circumstances when we're Less productive or More productive , and thats "normal" for all people , but can be more severe for those of us who may not be Built for .. the more strenuous .. parts of modern society . sometimes i think of simpler times , when work was more linear , when it wud feed the active part of ur brain with results much faster , much more directly .. but alas we have to work for numbers on a screen now as opposed to tilling our own soil lfmao . pros and cons to both ofc ..

i wish u luck as well !!!!! we are holding spectral hands as we walk believe u me (* ￣3)(ε￣ *)

oh this is so sweet ..., im so glad u found some comfort in us , its always so healing to know there are others struggling with the exact same thing u are , and they are still putting one foot in front of the other despite their difficulties (ง •_•)ง

to be honest ive been called lazy all my life , uncaring , unwilling to put effort into anything .. ive always had to struggle with peoples perception of me , and how i could ever find peace in a world that moves so quickly while i rest . i think with time i got used to it , but its not easy , and even i sometimes look at others and wonder what couldve been if i had just mustered the strength to do more when i gave up

but then i think it couldve been worse .. how do i put it .. people tend to react negatively when theyre put under a large amount of stress , which is why usually drastic measures are taken at a time when they feel like theyre suffocating , like theres no other way out so to speak .. and objectively speaking , i know that if i tried to lead the same life my peers are , i would not last very long . i know this from experience , and while i also know that ive reached the Other extreme now , im confident that i made the right choices back then .. to stop .. to take breaks .. to be more gentle with myself

im very lucky that i can listen to my mind when it asks for these breaks , most cannot , and thats how many meet their end really .. im a unique case i think , which is why i think that while not everyone cud afford to just Stop Working for a while , its important to at least make the most of ur choices in that circumstance .. work if u must , if theres no other way , but try to find Some Things that can offer u some peace , like a routine thats yours alone that u dont share with anyone else , something that gives u some sense of ownership over ur life, that feels purposeful for u alone ..

and yes , as u said , theres nothing wrong with being built differently (￣y▽,￣)╭ ive come to realise that what others call "real life" or a "normal life" looks different for everyone , and mine just happens to be like that , and even as i try to improve it , i dont hate it .. and myself , for simply needing to go at a slower pace . anything to keep us living longer is worth it in my eyes !

love u anon .. <3

ohhhh thank u for talking to me about this !!

i feel bad that u resonate with how i feel .. but im glad to know ure on the mend as well :-) i think .. well .. this is a serious discussion that wud take hours to really dig into properly but overall i think mental health is overlooked a lot , even as we shift into a world that seems more "welcoming" to people like us , it still feels .. superficial

to me .. my mental issues .. the struggles that i have , these are not things that are easily fixed by simply Trying to be happy , or bruteforcing my way into a "normal" life .. like u said , when ur mental health takes a toll , it takes a long time to build it back up , and sometimes u have to carry pieces of it with u everywhere that just wont fit in anymore .. and i think . a lot of people , even our generation , they see mental health as this .. this thing that can sometimes be annoying , but overall benign .. it isnt benign at all .. for some of us , it seeps into everything , it weakens our physical health ..

theres a reason they say u need a healthy body And a healthy mind . and .. if my experience with .. the ways i tried to "cure" this mental state of mine is anything to go by , ive found that sometimes .. sometimes things are just too difficult to try to work through .. the workplace stuff , i understand ur friend very well .. it takes a while to figure out what u can possibly do , if anything , to create a life for urself that wont drive u to drastic measures ..

its very serious .. its always been serious , and i wish more people understood that if we could , we would .. i dont think anyone wants to rot at home , to not contribute to society .. theres peace and tranquility in that unity, in knowing that u are part of something bigger and u are doing ur part , and when u cannot do these things , it adds onto that stress .. it adds this sense of inadequacy , like people are always judging u.. but .. ive learned to live with that , and to put my own wellbeing first .. i dont realyl mind if people think im lazy anymore .. i think we each have our own paths to follow , and theres no shame in walking slower than most , because we all reach the same destination in the end : -)

anyway sorry for talking ur ears off , i am really glad that u were able to go back home and that ure working on things for yourself .. i think we can do it , both u and me , we can be happy , so i wish u the best on ur journey as well !!! thank u ; 3; kisses u tenderly

hello my dear anon !!! thank u for the info, its very detailed and it helps a lot !!!

i actually did take some cheaper ones before, but the ones prescribed by this doctor have a much higher dosage of iron in them , as well as the iron itself being sucrosomial , so the effects shud be more visible and quicker now !! i have the dosage for a whole month , and i was also prescribed vitamin c , probiotics and royal jelly to help with my appetite , thats why it all cost me an arm and a leg ≡[。。]≡

so what ure saying is veggies are useless . . . i knew it . .. . . WELL the diet ive been put on consists of kale, red meat, fish , spinch .. beans .. erm .. i forget .. its all on a list ..

i did buy iv b12 last week , that Also cost me an arm and a leg !! Interesting !!! after i get more blood tests done , we'll see if i need to take them intravenously or not : -) i just cant go yet because im a bit too weak and i Cannot go through another day like saturday cus ill DIE !!!!!! probably not but ill FEEL like im dying ! so im waiting a few days .. maybe a week ..

thank u my sweet . how nice of u to help . kisses u

HELLO thank u i am !!!! also i love to drop my own lore all the time dw at all if a question is too much i wont answer it but u can always ask i really dont mind (￣y▽,￣)╭

i actually went to law school for a year and then dropped out ! told myself id go back but as we can all see , that never happened !! good thing tho , i doubt i wudve been a good attorney .. minds too full of Yaoi nowadays ..

work wise ive been steadily working since i turned 18 !! i had a lil part time job before that , but i did work for years and years afterwards !!! i worked customer support , i did a small sales gig , i even worked online as a streamer for a while !! (got partner and all .. heh ..) i quit my big boy job at the end of 2019 , right before xmas .. i was starting to feel the ramifications of Unmedicated Depression and work only made it worse , but i thot id take a break and go back to the workforce in a few months .. obviously the pandemic changed that

i tried working again towards the end of 2020 , it was a work from home job that .. to be honest .. it brought me to the edge LMFAO like literally . if u know what i mean . lots of stuff happened back then , even my mom got involved .. and then i said .. alright .. im not ready for this type of thing yet , ill just take it easy . im very fortunate in that my mom really Wants me here , at home , so i dont feel any pressure to move out (although i did move out for a year when i turned 18 , but that was more dramatic than normal i thinkfdgkjfd) .. im supported by her in many ways , though i do tend to pay for certain bills and household stuff when i have the money !!

most of my work since 2021 has been art commissions .. they dont happen frequently, as i am also quite slow , and maybe not The Best at it .. but its something that gives me way less stress than a Real Job TM would ..

thru the years i kept thinking to myself , ah , i really need to get normal soon , i cant keep going on like this . people work through worse things .. and hten .. things would happen in my life , id lose a loved one and all i wud think about is how lucky i was to not have a job so that i didnt need to Present to work while grieving .. this happened for two years in a row .. i think it really skewed my view of .. what i can do in the workforce , the type of stress i can take .. i think if i lived in a better country , id prolly be on disability .. but where i live its practically useless to do so , the money they give u is not worth the sheer effort it takes to go thru all that bureucracy .

anyway so thats where i am , thats my situation .. i think a lot of people would think of me as weak , or lazy , but i hope u guys know that i have tried many times before , and i will continue to try as soon as i get stronger .. im finally taking some steps to become someone who can withstand hardship , physically and metnally, but the process is slow and i sometimes fall back on old habits .. its very slow .. but it does exist and that brings me some joy :-)

so if u are in a situation like mine , where work feels impossible , where normal life feels alien and uncomfortable , my advice is to take things slowly , to move at ur own pace in whatever way u can , if the circumstances allow it , take breaks and allow urself time .. its all u have after all

kisses u .. this turned very emotional sorry . didnt mean 2 sound gay ont he timeline