it’s not a happy memory unfortunately. as a rly young kid, starting around age 3-4, i was clothes-stuffing bc scenes where characters blew up made me feel weird. i liked doing it in secret in my room when i was rly young. i did it until i hit 6th grade, which is when i got a flip phone that had internet on it. i remember being sent a funny post about someone being into “knee inflation” and i thought it was hilarious and strange but then saw other posts. about regular expansion. and i realized other people felt like me, and in the same vein, realized it was a sexual fetish. and something was wrong with me. and i remember panicking and thinking that i didn’t want to be this way, so from that day until ~ june 2023, i never let myself think about or acknowledge my sexuality. i lived sexually devoid. i was asexual, and wasn’t sure why. i sort of had repressed the memories too of when i was a kid, and i used to self harm whenever i’d remember, or sometimes every few years i’d search it up and watch something to see if i “still had” it. and if i felt my body respond, like it didn’t to anything else, i would self harm. obviously i feel differently now that i understand why this is how i am, but yeah. i didn’t react well.