hi, thank you so much for this, i appreciate it!! let me take the opportunity to say this here but simply talking about these things really helps me work through them and i'm mostly undisturbed by them unless directly confronted with them--the upside of a patchy memory!! plus i'm already cutting back on the time i'm sinking into this (at least the trying to look for sources part, but i also hope the need to talk about it will go away soon). it's also very frustrating work and thus not as appealing anymore to the jumping down the rabbit hole part of me as the first few discoveries were, so that's kind of a natural limit that i'm not going to fight! it's actually more likely i'll drop this entirely soon, it's too unrewarding on a lot of levels.