Sleet · 15 answers · 9mo
˗ˏˋ 🌊 ࿐࿔ R ⁺ S QOTD ⸝⸝⸝ #6
₊˚⊹ — are you afraid of being cringe?
not just on retrospring, but as a person? it could be bad enough to the point of a fear—perhaps one of many anxiety disorders— or as simple as making active choices to change things about yourself, in an attempt to avoid people perceiving you this way. or does it even matter how others perceive you? it could be yourself you’re scared of disappointing…
or maybe you don’t change yourself, yet fear it anyway? or vice versa, you change for the sake of the norm, yet in reality despise the concept of judging someone like that?
if you don’t, did it take time to get to that point? or vice versa, what led to you worrying about things like that?
if you do think you’re “cringe”, is there something in particular you do to feel like that? —
Largely depends on who I'm with. Among "normies" I tend to worry about coming across as cringe or annoying, and among "weirdos" I tend to worry about coming across as boring or fake. Either way, the worry is that I don't belong anywhere.
On one hand I have a weird accent, I visibly stim and talk and sing to myself in public, I get super passionate about certain things and infodump. I can think of many occasions in my life where, in retrospect, someone was probably really annoyed at me and just pretending to care while I infodumped at them. On the other hand, I have a formal, grammatically precise writing style, I tend to appear very laid-back and calm, I'm very conflict-averse, and my media taste, while oddball at times, is arguably that of someone 20 years older than me. It shocks me that no one has ever questioned my right to appear in queer spaces because I often feel like I should come across as a boring cishet.
It's odd that I have this worry because I don't have the trauma that would normally cause it. I was hardly ever bullied in school, and no one has ever told me I'm cringe or that I'm boring, quite the opposite actually. But I guess just hearing about hatred for people kinda like me, even in a negative light, was enough for me to internalize it. My intrusive thoughts do things to me that my conscience finds absolutely despicable.
In any case, "being myself" and authenticity have always been more important to me than conformity and conflict avoidance, so I don't change much about myself consciously. Definitely a bit unconsciously, though, and enough that it's caused me tons of distress.
