this is kind & slightly assuring, i appreciate you reaching out. i don’t feel like i’ve been given space to be heard, understood or given the benefit of the doubt by many & no one knows my story. i’ve been assumed the worst of, in many occasions (not that i can really blame anyone, they do not know me or have full context), and more than anything, it hurts, i’ve become more withdrawn, felt worse about myself & others in general (my avoidance is already very bad forever but i feel like i blew my one opportunity to coexist with others irl, an opportunity i’ve never had). dude it makes me want to cry. “everyone” is a bit of an overstatement on my behalf, but it is certainly vague & undefinable therefore feels like that and i have little sense of what’s real/true— and while i’ve had Some people that knew me a little reach out and i feel a gasp of relief they haven’t turned their back on me, the amount that have distanced and rejected a neutral stance with me is up there too. drives my paranoia & anxiety & avoidance up the wall, cause i don’t know, i’ll never fully know, i can only assume the worst & i see more and more evidence it’s more people than i thought all the time. it’s hard being the isolated one that has no ties, presence, friendships, and at the end of the day not having any sort of support system or anyone to be assuring, or anyone that truly knows and sees me for who/what i am, and not, just the absolute worst of me. it’s my fault for not retaining more relationships with others but i feel. so. outcasted. alone. misunderstood. i feel scared of everyone, i have no answers, it’s a bit haunting… t- thank you though. knowing there is someone out there that can treat it as complex and have humanity for me is, enough to give me a little faith. i cant tell you that’s been normal for me or that anyones treated me this way besides my partner so thank you