Not Quite a Stranger · 1y
hello, demian. it’s been a while hasn’t it? i saw that you’re graduating. this might be too late but congratulations! you’ve done so well and i’m really proud of you. i hope you are too.
other than that, how have you been? how are your plants doing? i hope you’re doing well. even if you’re not, i hope you’ll find the strength to overcome everything that is pushing you back. i’ve been holding back from coming near you but for some reason, you’ve been crossing my mind a lot lately and i’m not sure why. perhaps it’s because we first met in june? or even because the month rhymes too much with you? i just know that i miss you, terribly.
i swear i don’t have any bad intentions with this letter. but your birthday is coming up, right? i honestly don’t know when (or whether or not) you will read this but happy birthday! sorry, but i won’t be sending a present to your doorstep this year. perhaps that’s the reason why the longing is heavier than what i could usually bear these days, because your birthday is coming up. perhaps what went through your head last year haunts me too. perhaps i’m scared of june. perhaps i’m scared of your birthday too. perhaps i’m worried about you. i know you’re not doing well (god, i hope i’m terribly wrong about this). despite that, my wish for you this year remains the same, i wish that happiness will find its way to you. and i wish that when it does, you won’t be scared of it anymore. i wish that you will always be surrounded by people who will bring you such happiness and i hope you’ll accept the love that you deserve.
truthfully, i’m terrified. i wonder how you’ll feel upon reading this. will you feel good receiving my wishes? will my presence trigger you? or will you be annoyed and hate me for writing this? you have no idea how much i’m trembling as i am typing this. i know it’s very egoistic of me to do this and i’ll understand if you are annoyed. nonetheless, regardless of what you may feel, i’m sorry for writing this. i hope i’ll find the courage to send this piece of jumbled-up words to you someday. if i eventually did send this to you, please don’t feel pressured to respond. it took me months to even check your account again, i doubt that i can bring myself to receive that. until then, even if you don’t think i’m there anymore please know that you will always have me. i love you.
hello. i wasn’t sure if my eyes were seeing things when i first saw this. it really has been a while. i’ve been well. filis is surprisingly surviving alright, as small but strong she is. rhea is, well, not here anymore some months after you were too. never makes sense to me how filis could survive better than rhea considering the nature of their selves but perhaps rhea withering was just an awful joke the world laughed at me for. i started this june with my grandma’s memorial and it got me looking back and remembering what did i do years ago, on the exact same date of june. it got me recalling everything including you in it. i can still cite the first text, the first movie, the time, and every details of that day. i miss you god-devouringly too.
did you know that wishing someone’s birthday prior to the actual date is told to be a bad omen? jokes aside, thank you for the wishes. unfortunately you are correct, i started drinking meds again this month. some days are okay, but at the cost of lows that are lower than ever. the mind might forget but the body always remembers. despite all, i’m grateful for the wishes.
how have you been? i hope you are healthy and well. i try my best not to be nosy but i check your spotify from time to time just to make sure you’re alive and safe. how’s school? did you still live on the same apartment? i’m wishful that even if you moved, you were able to find a better one, with better roommates, and that you weren’t as alone as before. are you happy? that’s a stupid question, i realized, but what else could i ask when all i think about is how i hope you are at least no longer feeling a numbing 5/10 or under. i wish you would be at minimum a 6/10 everyday, and i hope you can wake up in the morning and look at the sky and think it’s pretty without fearing that it will rain. also, i hope you had made some friends? or at least people to talk to some days you have the energy to. if not, go make some friends, you cold city kid. lessen your cool, you’re not fooling anybody. if you have, say hello to them and tell them if they hurt you, i’m gonna telepathically kill them. thank you for sending me a long ass message that i cannot help but to reply with an even lengthier ass. i know you probably won’t read my reply for a while, nor will you even respond to these questions at all. i’m sorry i never know how to get to you and wish you a happy birthday even though i remembered. i’m still so sorry for everything. i’m glad you still exist in this timeline, and even more grateful you decided to come by even just for a while. please stay healthy and live the best way you can, wherever you are or whatever you’re doing, i’m always rooting for you, okay? i’ll be here. i love you too, halley’s comet.
