huffing and puffing. i'm here, i'm here!!!

i had to leave this ask to marinate in my inbox for a day while i came up with talking points better than They Just Are, and i think i hit some good thoughts on the bus ride home! sorry for the wait, and this is Long, but let's go now~~

we'll start from the facts - these two weren't meant to be shipped. like, at All! ofc we have the big ships for both of them namely hyjn and rk/rkg, and their units, and we have the slightly rarer ships for both of them w the other characters theyve interacted with before. there's varying basis there for all of them, but reihi lacks that.

when the canon establishes a relation between two or more characters, it's pointing towards greater narrative themes - enstars esp in ! but even in !! is very bildungsroman, it signals a lot at youth/ growing up/ love on the interpersonal side of things. i'll hazard that even with the rocky way undeden character arcs are written (esp in recent !!) the stories and the themes Do end up at a more positive resolution, at a really high rate. i'm thinking of undead's bridal light; kaoru's hesitant about asking undead for help, but throughout the story undead cheers him up in their own way and kaoru ends up having the rest of them back him up and he gets to open up to them too. we've got the whole fear of vulnerability and relying on others that segues into Actual vulnerability and relying on others. thinking of reikao's romcom; rei scolds kaoru and causes a coldness in their relationship, but kaoru decides on his own terms to work hard to stand by rei's side as his equal, and they mend whatever crack came between them. with hiyojun its a bit different - and unfortunately my memory is REALLY bad and i don't remember their arcs really well - but they, too get closer to each other over ! and !! and open up to each other about themselves (saga iirc? and conquest)

this is to say, the large majority of rei and hiyori's respective main ships point towards Good things like love! helping each other! vulnerability! hard work! goodness! and often, their individual debilitating character flaws get glossed over in those reads. like, !! killed "i'll bash your head in with this prize trophy!" hiyori and "you can only be my slave" hiyori, as we all like to say... the hiyori that is overwhelming and egotistical and too full of bravado, who outshines and nearly pushes the other person out of the relationship. rei's less so i feel, since we certainly get "let me help you with this, and that, and Everything about your life" rei a lot - but a lot of it is rebuked by kao going stop that sakuma rei. (also, read my lovely friend gene ao3 user earthgod's 'rotten at the core' which is sexy reikao about their terrible flaws!!!) but yeah. the endpoint of for rei and hiyori in their notable ships in general is, inkeeping with the overall themes, about trying to get them to be better people by being in a healthy loving committed relationship.

which is great and all! who doesn't love improvement! i do too!!!! but reihi is kind of completely unbound by social justice. they're a free for all. this is kind of abstract and metagaming, but my point is their main ships are, in the actual Canon, having them improve as people by being in the relationship, even if its by a little bit... while reihi doesn't have that at all. unlike rk and hyjn, and despite their Insane similarities and parallels, they were likely never meant to be shipped. i.e., there's no canon-provided rosiness and gloss that threatens them... there's a lot of friction between their personalities. they both have presences the size of a small country, and too much ego, and their worst flaws absolutely conflict with the other's traumatic experiences - we have "let me teach you and guide you" rei sakuma and having been dictated and ordered around by her family all her life hiyori tomoe. too fearful of emotional intimacy too prone to laughing every attempt off hiyori and rei who grew up in near absolute isolation. canon says about rk and hyjn, ok. they have flaws. but they end up okay. the vacuum they exist in doesn't affirm that about rei and hiyori.

i think in and of themselves, it's not Necessarily a toxic relationship. after all, people are often imperfect for each other, when there isnt the rosiness of a story. but reihi is at the very End of the rope and straddling the line between being good and being bad for each other. from a metanarrative perspective, it's exciting to write them because of that!!! what happens to love when every choice you make with/ about your partner is just drawing new lines in the sand that could entirely knock down the sandcastle, or something. they're just really not perfect at all. and not rosy. the story doesn't run its course prettily. honestly, if they were real life people, youd probbaly be like what the fuck stop this bullshit WHYA RE YOU GETTING BACK WITH YOUR EX WHO LEFT YOU TO TRAVEL THE WORLD IN 2015 WITHOUT LEAVING A VOICEMAIL HIYORI hey REI WHY ARE YOU GETTING BACK WITH YOUR EX WHO ONLY TALKS ABOUT THE NEW LIPSTICK SHES BOUGHT AND DRAGS YOU ALONG EVERYWHERE AND yeah. it's about deniability maybe. oh, reihi.

ugh, i'm so fond of hiyori-and-rei-get-over-their-debilitating-problems-and-settle-down. like so, so fond, you have no idea. i wish it works out for them too. i cant tell if im being rational or just because i have, like, sims of them in the sims 4 and they have an apartment and are engaged to be wed... LMFAO.......... for me, right, i think its really a coin toss. like both are so possible. again, the lines in the sand! theyre so delicate, a small thing could set them off and put them down either road. theyre so butterfly effect. i feel like ive been so ambiguous but i just love every possibility for them.. perfectly imperfect if you will. poor things. lovely things.

we've hit... actually 1000 words here....... so i'll.. reroute back to what i think you were actually asking about HELPNFGJFD ie screaming crying shouting match reihiyo... toxic toxic fr... im a repressed hiyori truther, so i dont go here much. but god i think its happened at least once. its even better if hiyori Is repressed honestly like all her pent up frustration just comes crashing out and rei doesnt even fuckin expect it. like i thought we were kinda fine?? WE WERE NOT FINE. (haha pun?) like aesthetically it suits them sooooo much. sorry. i just cant bring myself to write or portray it... i know i said theyre unbound by social justice but my heart is too tender... maybe one day we'll get ameyume-written screaming match. one day.

if youve actually made it here, i feel like i owe you like, a discount. hey if you ever comm me or something let me give you a 5sgd discount. SJFDGSKFKAJKSFHJFD my god i seriously Yapped but i hope theres something new and interesting inside!!!!!! ahhh also id really love to read about you and your girlfriend's reihi thoughts!! im stuck in my own reihi asylum alone most the time so i loveeeeeee reading others' opinions, id be so happy to read them if you posted more tweets about them too!!! <3