anonymous · 5mo
What is the way to stop feeling like I need to apologize for everything I do? It feels like it's rooted in me so deeply I start to doubt my own reality and can't tell if I'm being reasonable anymore. It's my innate instinct even when people call me out on it and recognize it as a trauma response I have extreme difficulty stopping. However it is only like sense of self / reality warpingly terrible when I can no longer tell what the truth is because the person who hurt me doesn't care and I start to become convinced it's my fault. I guess I'm just asking how do I stop this? It feels so deeply part of who I am at this point I no longer know where to begin.
its an awful habit that is an expression of you abandoning yourself in a way. repairing this wont be easy but it might help for you to start thinking of yourself as like a friend you want to stand up for too. if the apology feels like youre folding yourself, it's maybe not a real apology too- what youre saying is a lot less like "i want to own up to my mistakes" and a lot more like "please dont hurt me" and at the very least recognizing that might help.
