I understand your perspective. It didnt really feel like self harm when I first drew it, and I dont expect it to heal me either, but now I dont really think I want to engage in that sort of content after this. The line is still very blurry to me when it comes to what's considered acceptable or not, so I dont expect people to not react to it negatively. For a specific reason that I dont want to share publicly, I see everything from a neutral point of view, so I think a few drawings may come across as questionable even if I dont intentionally mean it to. This doesnt apply to everything like that one explicit drawing that was obviously meant to be seen as such, but for most other things thats how I view it. None of that stuff was really meant for my own personal enjoyment anyway, I just wanted to try understanding what exactly was wrong with me. My brain is fucked and Im aware that it is problem. I dont really know how else to cope now, but I'll find another way because I dont want something like this to happen ever again. I know it wasnt your intention and you say it with genuine concern, but I'd rather not get pitied for this. But you make good points here, so it's okay. Im not sure yet if I feel nauseous because of the reactions to my drawings or the drawings itself, but I dont feel good in general. I absolutely despise how this has been handled like some sort of spectacle, but I cannot fully put the blame on others because the nature of the content is controversial. I could say over and over that I see the love as one-sided, but it wont change anything because a lot of people find it unacceptable to portray it regardless, and Im not here to change people's opinions. I dont know if my English has been poor this whole time or if my words are being dismissed, but I hope that I was able to express myself clearly here. Thanks for the message btw.

Yeah, I think this sums up how I feel about all this. Ive been more agitated about that piece being displayed so openly with so many people looking at it and making their own judgments because it was way too personal and too many assumptions including those of disgusting nature were made based on an experience that strangers shouldve never known about. I dont even blame people for initially thinking that way, it does look bad. Very bad. Theres a reason why I hid this from public view. I have stopped begging for empathy a long time ago so it's not something I expect from others anymore, much less from strangers who dont know about me or my life, so I dont seek it at all especially not when it's about something weirdly personal like this, because this isnt something I wanted to let anybody see aside from the very few people I trusted. I dont know, everything feels weird right now. I think I reached breaking point so forgive me for sounding emotional. But anyway Im sorry, I didnt mean to ramble like this on your message, I probably sound incoherent and repetitive so I'll stop here. Thank you a lot for writing this out. Im glad theres still a bit of rationality left in people.