hey hi. this is not the usual messages you get and tbh I don't even know why im writing this to you I am sorry for writing this here but I really have no one i can tell this to. I am terrified, sad and tired. i don't know what to do anymore. I just sit in one corner and cry because that's all I can do. my dad is abusive and I wanted to escape but I can't anymore. I thought id study and reach a place where I can support myself financially and take my mother with me but it's not like that anymore. My dad made me pick a career choice which I don't like at all not even a bit and ive tried to improve myself and find peace with it but no im not able to and here I am, about to graduate but I don't know anything. This subject will not help me in any way I can't see myself shining and it's too much detail to make you understand why but please no this isn't the right option and ive done a lot to change how things are but there's no hope. i will fail and my dad will make it more harder for me to survive and when I say harder, it's no understatement. I have attempted suicide far too many times but always failed thinking of my mother I can't leave her with the monster my dad is and I can't leave feeling so guilty thinking how she will have to survive it breaks me both physically and mentally. I am coward and no positive words can heal me anymore. I don't care about anything else now I just want to run away with my mom or somehow just die. I also saw a future but no more not like this. And it may sound frustrating what am I thinking? This is not life's end but whatever has happened trust me there is a reason why im thinking to end it all or else why would I even think of unaliving myself when long back I grew from that kind of mindset and I wanted to see a future and live but honestly it's not possible im useless I really have nothing I can be proud of i don't even have the courage to kms im such an oversensitive idiot I'm sorry to all of this to you but I want to go away. Sorry to dump it here.