i struggle a lot with basic facts of reality. hard to accept that some things really just are like that. 'i dont want to work, i want to make art' is a constant tug of war, and sometimes it feels like there is no way out of that. but even if the brooding is endless-- im not going to make it my disability, because then i really will seize up and die. i think its in spite of all of this stuff that i feel that i have to keep going.