anon · 19d
i don’t agree that haru is unshippable so idk if my thoughts would be useful to you.. but i’m very interested in ur essay!! 2 me it seems like these ppl are using “they’re 18 aka minors in korea” as a gotcha when irt haru… he’s japanese so like is that his belief as well. and these ppl being assumably american as well.. what does that have to do w us. and calling shipping grooming between members of ur group is wrong to me.. i’m sure there’s more nuance than i’m aware of but even if there’s a large age gap there’s no material power held against anyone in that dynamic. which seems inherent to grooming as a concept? age gaps are not inherently predatory between adults obviously which seems like common sense. these ppl also operate under the assumption like minors don’t experience romance or have sex at all.. while fully going thru middle and high school with both of those things happening in abundance LOL. it’s disingenuous while also just being wrong. by policing rpf/rpsers to this extent it comes off as conservative bc of like abstinence based sex education. idek if ppl are aware of that implication but that’s where my mind led me to.. that’s not the only reason and i don’t know a lot ab this to be completely honest but this is my little rant. let’s all have more discussions in good faith!!! and be nice to fic writers ♥️
"even if there’s a large age gap there’s no material power held against anyone in that dynamic. which seems inherent to grooming as a concept?" is totally right and i think is what we keep trying to say. grooming isn't just a status applied to a relationship if it fits certain parameters. we can't just say something would be grooming if it was two people who were not the same age, who met before one person was an adult, and who had a mentor mentee relationship. grooming is an ACTION that people perform regardless of age or experience gap. of course it's way easier to groom children and young adults so that's why we see a lot of survivors of grooming talking about their experience in age gap relationships. but that doesn't mean age gap = grooming. it's not like an algorithm that takes effect if your relationship hits all the necessary parameters, and thinking that that's how it's going to happen is really dangerous! grooming is a specific set of actions!
besides that, it's not real!!! wumuti is NOT grooming haru in real life! when we want them to kiss and fuck we are not ordering these real people to kiss and fuck. we are taking real life situations and experimenting with them in a fictional, hypothetical world that we choose to share with others. literally everyone does this. there is absolutely nothing about shipping these two guys that can materially make wumuti groom haru like it's just not possible.
so then to me it seems like (AND AGAIN I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR FROM THESE PEOPLE HI!) what we're doing is essentially just thought policing. like it's bad to think of people a certain way because... it just is. but like. why? why is it bad? who makes this line of good or bad and why is it always the people who have the strictest line in the sand? the loudest, youngest, most conservative people get to decide what fanfiction tropes and ships are ethically correct??? nah!!! that's why it seems like a conservative impulse.
also like... i simply don't think these people have had sex as a teenager or middle schooler. because if they had this whole conversation would be so different. but these are covid-era teens who grew into adults that seem to be really misinformed, paranoid, and punitive when it comes to anything that doesn't suit their own morals. AND AGAIN i would love to be wrong, i would love to talk to someone about this and actually get to ask them questions but no one wants to talk to me about this so like what are we to do yknow.
