HAHAHA now that you talked about it, kebongkar deh satu rahasia kimi (i wish i portrayed it clearly) yes yes he's a bit timid actually. gak yang ekstrem banget sih tapi emang gak sesupel iyo (if you notice kimi didnt have anyone he could called real friend except iyo). kimi used to avoid things before he could faced it. dulu dia selalu ngurung diri sama lukisannya tiap kali stres sebelum dia bisa clear his mind dan cerita ke iyo. nah, the time when he tells iyo everything tuh artinya dia udh selesai sama "badai"nya. jadi dia bisa cerita dan bisa lebih dengerin saran iyo (kalo belom kena distraksi dia bakal ricuh banget, beneran kayak badai)

now we talked about "kimi" to "iyo". did he avoid things because he needs the time to think or because he doesnt wanna "think" about it? sekarang coba kita bedah satu2 (buset)

1. dia pergi ke jerman dan mutus hubungannya sama iyo karena dia mau "clear" dulu pikiran dan perasaannya (he feels useless, selalu bergantung ke iyo tiap ada problem, dia juga takut kalo suatu saat dia gak bisa ngapa2in di saat dia gak bisa bergantung sama iyo lagi. he was 17-18 at that time. tindakannya serabutan. feelingnya apalagi).
2. dia tiba2 pergi sama mas chim karena dia lagi mumet dan butuh distraksi dan kimi udh bilang mas chim kebetulan hadir dan nyanggupin untuk kasih distraksi. let's say it's another person and not mas chim, ya pasti akan tetep kejadian juga ("distraksi"nya).
3. pas iyo mabok.... there's another story sebenernya. hehe. sabar dulu ya 😭

all i could say is kimi kalo lagi bingung akan cari distraksi sampe pikirannya tenang dulu, dan kalo udah tenang atau dia udah "tau" jawabannya, he wont be afraid anymore.

the thing is, healing your wound doesnt directly go linear with time. after a breakup, many things could happen, and definitely it's your being matters the most. idk if this fits you or not, tp biasanya hal yg muncul kalo kita abis putus terus mau deket sama orang baru kehalangnya pasti karena kita capek doing the process again atau karena kita bandingin si orang baru ini sama mantan. and if it happens, we should know what good/bad traits that your ex have so in the meantime, you will know what you want dan gak buang waktu sama yg tidak sesuai kriteria.

kalo sesuatu yg menghalangi kamu asalnya dari diri sendiri (you feel you're not worthed or you feel you wont belong or you wonder if you're gonna be happy like the last time) i think it's a cue to go to professional. because it matters a lot. everything about you are matter.

hope it could ease your mind a little! (sending hugs and loves to you)