(ty for this request i miss reikao)

tags: fluff, established relationship, humor, slight misunderstanding, light sexual joke

As the end of the day approached, Kaoru’s patience was close to reaching its limit — and that was a difficult thing to achieve.

“I said no, Rei.” He pointed an accusatory finger at his band mate, who simply frowned harder in response. “Don’t— d-don’t make that face, geez. Do you even understand what you’re asking me to do?”

In all honesty, Kaoru was being dramatic. He was aware of it.

…However, if he didn’t behave in such a way, there would be consequences. Consequences that meant the death of his future self’s reputation.

“The shirt is not that bad.” Rei stated, which was promptly ignored.

“Dude. Most of our fans know a bit of English, you know? I can’t just— wear that with you!” Kaoru bit his lower lip, clearly refusing to change his mind. The sight was so endearing that the taller man nearly forgot about his words.

Rei tried not to let out a pathetic sigh at the dude that left his boyfriend’s beautiful lips, then, but failed miserably at the task. “It is just a shirt, Kaoru.”

“A shirt can be awful for lots of reasons.” Kaoru placed his hands on his hips, trying his best to explain what should be obvious to the leader of their unit. “For example, it could have cuss words, and people… usually don’t like that.”

“Is that so?” Rei raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. “What about UNDEAD’s reputation? It wouldn’t be too shocking for us to use such words.”

Kaoru groaned like he had been stabbed in the gut. He could not give in to his boyfriend’s wishes — not in this situation.

“It’s just, the problem with the shirts isn’t the cussing— it’s the context, and— y-you know what I’m talking about. People will talk about it.”

Rei did not, in fact, know what he was talking about.

“Do they not always talk about our outfits? We are idols.” This man had the audacity to shrug.

“Rei. My love.” Kaoru inhaled and exhaled. “Have you been doing your Duolingo lessons? You don’t actually know what the shirts say, do you?”

“I am quite adept at the English language, thank you very much.” As if to prove a point, he started to hum a random song.

Kaoru immediately frowned. “That’s an unreleased Ariana Grande song.”

“And?”

“Okay, I trust you. But, just out of curiosity…” He scratched his nape, pondering. “You— uh, what do you think the shirts mean? Just so we’re on the same page here.”

Rei quickly stood up from his seat, proudly grabbing the pieces of clothing that would make Kaoru’s eyes twitch in any other context. He calmly unfolded them and looked at the English words, mumbling the translation to himself.

“So? What do they mean?” Kaoru questioned once again, amused.

“Well, you would wear this one, and I would wear the other. So…” Rei smiled to himself, acting like he had acquired the most exquisite clothes — or boyfriend, who knows — that one could ever find. “It means that you are stupid, and mine means that I am stupider than you.”

The shirts, staring mockingly into Kaoru’s soul, read:
I’M STUPID (shirt number 1);
I’M FUCKING STUPID (shirt number 2, with a big, menacing red arrow pointing to the other shirt).

“Yeah.” He breathed, trying his best not to smile. He couldn’t give Rei the satisfaction just yet. “You’re way stupider than me.”

Rei whined at the comment, but he was used to it. He was even more used to the kisses that came afterwards, as an unspoken act of apology.

“We can wear the shirts at home… if you insist…” Kaoru whispered against his shoulder, so low that he had almost missed it.

He instantly lit up, then, like he had been programmed to do so. The Kaoru Effect, their other unit mates called it. “I think I am in love with you.”

Kaoru huffed, cheeks warm. “Don’t tell me.”