south park is my favourite show. every day and night i watch it. i've rewatched the show about 160 times in a row now. i live alone in a one-bedroom-apartment and pay £380 a month for rent. i know it's cheap, but that's what you get when you live in a mice and rat infested place which sometimes gets unannounced visits my cockroaches and other insects. i haven't stood up in almost 3 years. i've been sitting on my couch for maybe 1050 days straight. i live off of mountain dew and chipotle. have i mentioned that i am a eric cartman kinnie? i love eric so much. i think i love him more than kyle, but i also have kind of a grudge against him as well. not because he is a monster (which is the reason i kin him) but because he copies me.

before i decided i wanted to become one with eric and south park by only watching it, i built a probe. specifically an anal probe, knowing that i wouldnt even be able to stand up to go to the toilet once i become one with south park. i built it so i could teleport things into my mouth so i wouldnt have to stay hungry, however sicne its not able to get out with me sitting down it can only teleport my own feces. which i appreciate, because this way i wont have to stay constipated. but that's besides the point.

my point is that eric cartman copied me. i have had this anal probe in my butthole for long enough to know this. i know it. he knows it. south park knows it. mark zuckerberg knows it. everyone does. every single person who has ever watched south park knows it.

however i sometimes wonder... how am i able to live like this? am i in some kind of hell and i just don't realize it yet? i like to think i am... eric. and that everyone is in hell and eternal suffering because i havent passed away due to heart failure yet.

as i am writing this, i piss my pants in my already piss soaked couch. i dont know why, but it has gotten more and more difficult to control my bladder over the years. i dont know why i want to piss my pants so badly all the time, but that's what it is. i am anesthetizing myself because i am living like this. and it's amazing. but there's a problem. eric is HIV positive.

and im not.

i've been having an existential crisis over this for the past 17 days. ive rewatched south park many times and i have had various conversations with myself as to why ive been sat on my couch for such a long time. how can i be so happy and healthy while eric is dying of HIV and i'm not?

i am literally him.