oh my god lol..................this question is so much harder somehow, dang..

—canonverse: i don't think it's so much that canon till wants ivan neutered (although he wouldn't complain) it's that he's like PLEASE CAN YOU BE NORMAL FOR 5 MINS (what does normal even mean in their society idk. i just think canon till is So Tired.)

⬇️ least egregious crime: starting fights with him for no reason (till doesn't really care, since this doesn't feel personal. and also i feel like he appreciates an excuse to let off excess energy himself)

➡️ medium: ivan constantly stealing his shit (worse, lying about it)

⬆️ most egregious: ivan cozying up to mizi for shits and giggles (he thinks ivan is just doing it to annoy him and quote-unquote getting in his way but the truth is that mizi usually approaches him first and they're friends)

to me, canon till just knows and accepts that ivan is Like That™. it's not a big deal. he's just weird. (shrug) their lives are a mess. he doesn't know any better, yk?

—actor AU: his only crime is being a little too enthusiastic about sex lol. sunbae is TIRED, ivan, let him sleep!! (luckily, till is easily pressured into sex. and likes sex. he just is like 💢 getting too damn old for this shit.)

—most modern settings: ivan's most egregious crime is that he gives less than a shit about propriety and public nudity / obscenity laws. he will fuck till literally anywhere and everywhere and till is like STOP!!!!!! i eat here!!!!!!!!!

also ivan definitely breaks into till's room / house what have you on a regular basis. and. it pisses till off like nothing else but he kind of is like what is the point of arguing about it. ivan is just going to do it again. "don't get caught, i'm not going to bail you out. and don't get ME in trouble for your misdeeds." (part 2 goes ignored)

⚠️ the rest is uncategorized according to universe, it's kind of just a grab bag of awful things i've had ivan do to till in no particular order lol. all awful. dead dove warnings yadda yadda (finger guns)

• dub & noncon (as a broad umbrella lmao)
• bonded till by force (omegaverse)
• had sex in till's dressing room to piss him off
• jerked off with till's underwear without consent
• lots and lots of somno in various flavors (see: dub/noncon umbrella)
• drank till's blood for the sheer amusement of it (this is a canon event. i didn't even have to make that up. you're welcome.)
• had unsha force implant a womb in till
• (f/f) encouraged till to cheat on her husband (succeeded)
• stealing a number of till's bandmates away with his dick (lmao)
• (as a shadow familiar) spraying till's field partner with skunk musk
• stalking till
• pissing on till without consent
• dressing up as mizi and getting till crossfaded to suck till's dick
• pretending to set till up with someone else for a bout of public sex and humiliation
• forcing a q-tip up a miniaturized till's gooch
• bullying till over his cock size

etc., etc. there will be more crimes as time goes on. i guess my thing is...ivan's moral compass is basically "is it funny?" and "can i get away with it?" and the answer to both questions is often yes. so why wouldn't he lol.

anyways thanks for asking, i am once again out here showing my ass (thumbs up emoji)