(mtv voice) IV: "hi, this is ivan, and welcome to my ̶s̶h̶r̶i̶n̶e̶ crib"

1) IV: "all till panties are good panties (source: myself) but some pairs are more immaculate than others. here you can see one of my favorites—back when we were younger and till was still experimenting with stripes and ribbons. an oldie but a goodie. he grew out of these in 4th grade ): but they were worth stealing" (featured: a small blue and white pair of underwear)

2) IV: "in college, till started experimenting with t-backs, but he quickly decided he didn't like those. personally, i think it's because they show off his tramp stamp (acquired at age 20) and he's shy about it. (till got the tattoo on a dare.)" (featured: black t-back underwear)

3) IV: (pointing to 7 pairs of boxer-style underwear) "this is the kind till has into since he turned twenty-two. i really like the way that...certain substances stick to these :)" (featured: example)

(the collection, in full, is approximately 28 pairs in various states of disarray. quite a few have unidentifiable stains that ivan refrained from commenting on. 2 pairs have been placed in mounted picture frames.

the client also swore us to secrecy upon pain of death. we overheard screaming from a client's partner in the distance—not over the secret compartment in his house, but over burning something in the oven. he saw us off with a smile.

UNPUBLISHED ARCHIVES)