𝐴𝑎𝑎𝑎𝑎𝑛𝑑 that would be Matt. 𝑂𝑜𝑓. [Drawing my legs against my chest, my chin rests atop my knees as I think back. Matt had been around forever. I can't remember a time before him, but that's just part of living in a small town. He’d been one of my closest friends growing up, always watching out for me at the playground and standing up for me if someone was unkind. It wasn’t until Junior High that it became obvious that he had feelings for me. At first, it was hard to think of Matt that way, but… Matt was the trusted choice. In high school, he went on to play football and I joined the cheer squad. There was so much pressure to date and Matt was the safe option, the one that everyone expected.] Matt was the first person I ever dated. [Sigh.] He told me he loved me and I said it back, but… eventually I realized that my love for Matt was like that of a best friend or even a brother. I love him, but I’m not 𝑖𝑛 love with him, and so [winces at how horrible this sounds.] I broke up with him just two hours later. He still thinks that saying ‘I love you’ scared me off, but in reality, saying those words out loud is what it took for me to realize that I was lying to myself and to him, and I don’t want to live a lie.