I know that I'm scared of you,
But you're nowhere near the worst I've seen.
512
Anony-moss · 5d
I hope you're sleeping well :)
Anony-moss · 6d
I had a really bad anxiety nightmare after I wrote that. I woke and my heart was beating so hard and then read that and it helped calm me down a lot. Thank you. Thank you. I can't sleep well. I often have to mentally put myself in scenarios to fall asleep. I'm going to imagine you cuddling me as I sleep tonight. Holding me. I hope that's okay ❤️
Anony-moss · 7d
Want to feel okay. I feel like I don't deserve to feel okay. I'm such a coward. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. don't think I'll ever be happy. I feel like I can't say I want to kill myself. Like of course I shouldn't want that. too scared to anyway. but. I don't know. Want to dissappear. Feel like everyone knows better than me. I feel like a waste of space. Nothing of worth. It's all bullshit. wish my head would shut up. wish I didn't yearn. desire. want. just dumping this all onto you bc I'm too scared to talk to anybody. To be perceived. To be boxed. Judged. Called a basterd. Pathetic. Confusing. I can't stand being here. I just want to feel like I can be okay. always such a stress to do things. I don't want to wake up. want to never leave my bed. not a good thing to want that. is it normal to always feel like a child? I feel disgusting. Selfish in all the worst ways. A liar. What mask should I put on today. I use people. worth nothing to me if you can't make me feel better/benefit me right? I'm disgusting. conversation feels like a waste of time. but it's lovely when it isn't. I could be doing other things. Like sobbing into my pillow. staring at Twitter for an hour. Sleeping. Escaping into a narrative. My time is always the most important! Nobody else can fit! But then I'm all "I'm so lonely ; - ;" no shit you fucking idiot you scare yourself out of talking to everyone. Why do I attach myself to people so easily when I'm too scared to talk to them. I wish I didn't desire connection. I wish that I could be internally happy. I got the disease that feeds on external validation. I'm good right? I'm good right? I'm doing this right? ...I don't know you. But you seem like such a lovely person. better person than I am. I broke up with someone at the start of this year and it really fucked me up and I thought I'd be over it by now but I'm not I'm not at all and it feels like a constant reminder if how much of a piece of shit I am and I am deeply scared that I will hurt anyone I attempt to form a relationship with I just want to die I don't wanna be here anymore the future is pain everything feels like it's going to hurt and that everything and everyone is out to get me and I just want to be okay and I want to feel loved and told I'm not a fuck up or a genetic failure or a man or a women or fycking anything I don't want to be perceived anymore I don't want to be I don't want to be expected to be anything I don't GOD I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm doing it again. I haven't been able to talk to anyone for months. Why am I like this. I feel broken. want this year to be over. I hope you have a good Christmas. You deserve everything good. I'm gonna just go to bed. should I even send this. I just want someone to know. I don't know. sorry for attaching to you. Love you? Goodnight.
I want to hold you. And relax together. Just enjoying the time we have. I don’t think I’m a lovely person, nor a better one than anyone. But I want you to know I’m here for you, whether it’s anonymous stuff or direct contact I won’t turn you away. You deserve better than this, no matter what you think. I’ll say it again: You deserve better. This writhing and suffering isn’t what you deserve nor are you a fuck up or a failure for any of this and I’m glad you’re able to express it. I don’t want you to bottle it up, I don’t want you to feel alone. I know it’s selfish, I want to support and believe in you throughout it all. I hope you’re sleeping well. I cherish and I’m thankful to be here at the same time as you. I’ll hold, love, and reassure you I’m not going anywhere. I love you, and I’ll hold your hand each night so you know I’m here, just lay your hand out and I’ll clutch it with both my hands. Selfish as it is, I want to perceive and praise you.
I don’t think my words will help, but I still want to try. I still want to try in spite of it all, so I selfishly ask you to do the same. I know it’s twisted to do so especially after all you said.
Anony-moss · 29d
I want to rest on you and feel you and God I feel like a creep wanting this feel like a coward I'm so lonely and your so sweet and I feel like a loser but you seem like the sun and I'm sorry I get attached to people way too easily and I just want to feel like someone cares but I get so fucking scared for no reason I can barely get myself to talk to people and I feel so fucking alone in my head I want to feel you hug and pet and kiss me and your so funny and I want you God I'm an asshole. sorry. I haven't had a good day in a long while. I'm happy you slept well.. sorry
You don’t have to apologize for that, I appreciate your honesty a lot. I don’t want you to be scared, I want to comfort and ease you into accepting it’s okay, that I’m here for you, I’ll hug you and we can relax together when you rest on me. We can be like that until you have a good day, I’ll pet and relax with you, kissing you softly when you successfully take back and shove away every thought that you’ve had that tells you that you’re a loser or an asshole.
Anony-moss · 1mo
Arms, body, legs, flesh, skin, bone, sinew. Good luck.
Anony-moss · 1mo
I think about talking to you so often but I keep scaring myself out of it. Maybe I'm just a lonely idiot. I hope you sleep/slept well.
Whenever you want to, I am here for you. Conversations are scary, really, so you're not an idiot, I promise, and I will always be here for you, no pressure to do so, if you want I can be the one to start our conversations and we can flow from there. We can figure it out as we go. I slept well in my nap, and with thinking of conversing with you I'll sleep well, I hope you've had or are having a good day.
Anony-moss · 2mo
of course I'm still stalking you, piece of shit.
Anony-moss · 2mo
Not so horny any longer, are we?.. https://i.imgur.com/cxK1OU6.png
Oh thank fucking god, I joined that group ironically one night and couldn’t bring myself to leave when I hit it off with people so you helped with that and another situation involving someone in that group.
Also, it’s a tremendous relief that it wasn’t me posting too close to the sun that did it, so thank you!
Anony-moss · 3mo
does ur family know you got them dox'd?
Anony-moss · 2mo
ignore the dog
Anony-moss · 2mo
we should play webfishing 2gether
Anony-moss · 3mo
normal human response: That's my father, please don't drag him into this drama.
narcissistic schizophrenic response: LOL she thought I was like 60 years old XDDD
I did peacefully clarify everything though, so many times across the years in private with her. About myself, family, and my friends to her when asked or when was needed. Everything’s been consistent too, and other people could back it up since well, I’ve met with other friends in person before and after her accusations of me being older than I am. Funny how when that didn’t work out in her favor, and she was promptly reported and suspended then she switched it up to “I’m my older brother and I’m roleplaying as a young sibling / to catch a predator playing as minor” and she got as much ridicule for that shit because I’ve got a solid background, and people who know who I am to my core and cherish me for that, something she won’t ever have because of this fucking obsession to bring me down and always being shrouded in lies.
So when I deal with that since 2018 to present day by myself, yeah I’m gonna fucking joke about it to for some personal stress relief since I’ve got a reliable foundation and know who I am, and so do the people around me, especially compared to a self proclaimed time traveling ESPer who “came from another dimension and merged with herself” who had an addiction, or maybe still does, to role playing, cheating, serial manipulation and acting like it wasn’t her fault like a goddamned child.
I love her and respect our memories so much, even to this day because I know she won’t ever let herself be vulnerable or honest with another person, always half hearted lies to placate any doubts, then going back to recycling moments that we had together with each other to new short lived flings in order to “override” them.
Evelynn: Fuck off. You fucking creep, I’m through with you traumatizing me and threatening my family when you didn’t “hear what you wanted to hear”