—AH FUCK

Okay okay okay fine sheesh this really is an interrogation let's go

1. Pip (Initial big crush when I first read it at the tender age of 13, back when my primary type of guy was in a very different swing but I still feel fondly for him... 'then where's the art of hi--' IN A MINUTE)
2. Seras (If you hate her you're gay and not in the cute way sorry. She's wunderbar. 'then where's the art of he--' IN A MINUTE!!!)
3. Jan and Luke (They get to share a slot together because in my heart of hearts they're just anime Beavis and Butthead except I might actually let them score)
4. Walter (But specifically either the backstabbing vampire'd bitch or catty old man edition, the sassy shota never did anything for me even when I WAS his age)
5. Integra (If you hate her you're also gay. Long haired butches have it all what more needs to be said)

Extra mention for Maxwell btw (I just think it's really fucking funny that the MOMENT that fancy scarf touches his shoulders he goes from a cunt to a mega-cunt. How do you manage that.)