you dont seem weird ILU!!!! She started very young, during meltdowns in early childhood she would scratch/bite/hit at herself. Vi had to restrain her frequently to keep her from hurting herself. It was difficult for her to cope with her extreme emotional swings or when she is feeling terror at her own mind. She's still like this but at some point she transitioned to using a blade and the routine became more focused/calm instead of an erratic outburst; it's also an addiction. It's still usually to ground herself when feeling overwhelmed, but sometimes she seeks out the feeling/high of the pain. She is trying to recover from it and has phases of not relapsing. More frequently though she puts out cigarettes on herself out of habit/impulse, sometimes its hard to remember not to do it. All the arm bracelets she wears are supposed to help, but she'll just move them out of the way or do it in a different spot lol. The bracelets hide her scars but also hide her relapses. In adulthood she is mostly recovered with rare relapses. But she is arguably still self-harming, just in other ways...

As far as drugs she mainly smokes spliffs (tobacco with weed sprinkled in) though she shouldn't bc it's bad for her psychosis. But when it's not freaking her out she likes how it enhances art & music and how she thinks while high. Nothing else is a habit, just happy to do whatever she gets a hold of for the week. She doesn't like psychedelics bc she's prone to bad trips (she'll still do them anyway lol). She likes special K (her fav), ecstasy, coke, typical party stuff. She hasn't done anything considered extremely risky like heroin or st (for now...). Other than being a stoner she doesn't consider herself a druggie, it's just something to do to make things more interesting when the opportunity is there (which is why she'll trip despite not usually enjoying it, crowds of people morphing into demons just makes the friday night spicy you know?). She has a remarkable pokerface even if a drug is making her feel very bad, she'll keep her cool. Not that she doesn't get humbled every now and then if she gets really fucked up, she's woken up covered in vomit in a strangers bathroom before.

Jen is in a constant war against boredom and drugs are just a weapon in that battle. The only drug she's addicted to is nicotine.