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i should lie down on my local train tracks and never answer to pleas of help
Depression's a motherfucker. It's your brain lying to you, to try to kill you. You're better than it, and you're stronger than it, even if it doesn't always feel that way.
We're not a therapist, or even very good at comforting people, you should find someone who is one of those things to talk to about this.
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