I’m sorry not really an object person (as in, unless there’s a specific reason I wouldn’t ship a character with an object. I do find shoving objects in holes to be a bit sexy). I tend to like sentience (so Eyelander would be a go) OR if it is an object it’d have to be personified (Like Heavy’s minigun Sasha). However! I’m still here to answer this question

Soldier x Bucket is based (mostly) on his time in Expiration date. This could be particularly compelling as he specfically asks for it. Yet, the bucket doesn’t do to much for him. This is extremely one sided, with Soldier desiring the bucket and the bucket is… just a bucket. Now, he may put the bucket on his head! He could carry things around in the bucket! Alas, though, this seems very fleeting to me.

Soldier x Shovel on the other hand… that’s his weapon! He is known to have it on his person! This is a trusty and reliable tool! However, a replaceable one. Oh woe! He gets a board with nails in it and now that’s his mele weapon…

I will say shovel, for now, but my mind could be swayed.

Also hello to the four people who follow me! I’m answering stuffs again

IHhhhhh that’s hardddd

1. Soldier. No question
2. Spy,,, maybe switched with three
3. Demo,, maybe switched with two
4. Engie. He’d be lower but I’ve attributed too many hcs idea with him or fics ideas for him to be lower
5. Scout. Fandom Bike pt 2
6. Heavy,, He is so,,, He is very good.
7. Sniper. I love to angst him <3 Give him the whump
8. Medic. I’m so sorry my main, I love you too
9. Pyro, the creature of all time. I must have interlined transphobia for putting you so low /s

(I love all the mercs,,,,I truly do)

Bonus:
1. Pauling
2. Zhanna
3. Admin
4. Merasmus
5. Eyelander (he gets a slot as he’s funny)
6. Maggie (bbygurl who’s severely lacking in love
7. Bea/Classic Pyro
8. Fred/Vergil (Classic Engineer/Classic Sniper. Do not separate they’ll be sad)
9. Classic Heavy/Classic Medic (pls do separate their divorced)

Bonus Bonus, parents (besides Fred, but he has a smidge more character then being Dell’s Dad) Including those that are merely my hcs as not everyone has canonical parents:
1. Scout’s Ma (on TOP)
2. Snipers (ADOPTED BUT TRUE) parents. They have issues but in the end they love their boy
3. Demo Ma (and Demo Dad but he dead). They intrigue me greatly, even if their probs not the Best parents
4. Heavy’s Ma (also Heavy’s Dad. Also dead): 🥺 Maám has been through so much.
5. Medic’s parents. They were O-Kay. They tried. Also also dead.
6. Snipers (Bio) Parents. I want to fling them into the sun. I’ve made them worse, but they were already bottom of the barrel.
7. Spy’s parents (specifically his Dad). I just know this mf got issues,,, he killed him tho so it’s okay,,, also someone I wish to throw into the sun

*Note that Pyro doesn’t have parents UNLESS it’s my siblings w/ Spy AU (the rank wouldn’t change). Soldier doesn’t have parents either. Not cause he’s a creature of some kind but because they never even bothered with him (and never tried to reconnect after they sent him to an orphanage). He’s forgotten about them too sooo

Soldier is struggling to get out of any confines/if he’s locked away. I like to think between him and her is one sided glass so he can see her but she Can’t see him. Same w/ hearing inside the room- he can hear what she’s saying/doing But she can’t hear him… It’d be a losing battle but he wouldn’t give up trying to get to her (and once he does have the opportunity, Bea is as good as dead). Zhanna herself, I feel would be very stotic throughout, with an occasional gasp/moan/whimper. However, in the beginning she just threatens Bea and tells her she’ll “regret her actions” (Not only is Zhanna a Bamf but so is her Finace AND her Brother.)

I have so much about Heavy/Soldier to think on,,, for SFW I’d really enjoy a slow burn (I’m working on one but I doubt it’d ever be finished or shown publicly). A very minor Enemies to Lovers, where theirs forced proximity and so they become closer (heheheh). I think if Soldier had a deep moment with Heavy- they’d get along a lot better (as theirs lots of assumptions in their type of relationship.). I also HC that Soldier did not have a family growing up, and that the one he tried to make ended terribly for him (where he faced abuse and eventual snapped which lead to the death of his ex husband), so being with a very family orientated man like Heavy is so strange but refreshing! He truly feels like he has a place! Werid fuzzy feelings (a reason I enjoy Zhanna/Soldier too but shhh).

For NSFW I love what starts as hate fucking BUT Heavy is just so gentle. Soldier expects them to be fist fighting the whole time, and while he’s thrown on the bed he’s also getting his face cupped. He’s giving him nips on his neck but he can’t consider them bites. He’s Shyly asked if it’s too much for him… Mmmmm Heavy being a gentle lover is always in my mind (also in which his partners Beg to be treated rougher)

If you have more thoughts/want me to expand on anything Plsssss ask. I love love love them <3 Cold War beloved (don’t take that outta context)