Over the last two years or so at PQube I've settled into the role and learned a lot, but there was a lot about it that felt pretty restrictive on a personal level. I'm not really a huge fan of red tape, and it turns out that when you affix yourself to one specific company instead of being a free agent the amount of red tape gets pretty high. The guarantee of stable income every month was a driving factor in me taking the job to begin with, but after fully immersing myself in the role the bureaucratic realities began sinking in a bit more and it was a little less ideal than I'd originally been envisioning. At the same time I started to expand my freelance network on the side and meet up with various contacts for other endeavors that show a lot of promise. Before settling in with PQube I had reached a point as a freelancer where I wasn't really struggling, so I reasoned that if I left PQube (or at least retreated and took something lower stakes and remote) and settled back into freelance life with my new knowledge and skillset I might even be in a more advantageous position. When I finish Rance X I should even be able to put a downpayment on buying my own house where it's more affordable up north next year, so that was also something I was thinking about.
There were some internal circumstances at the company that accelerated the timelines on this a little, but it ultimately led to the same conclusion. I think after a full decade of being my own boss and having near unlimited freedom, having a 9-5 job (even a pretty good one) just isn't really my speed? There were a lot of lovely people in that office and I wish them all well, but I don't think my vision was fully meshing with some of theirs so this is a move for the better. As far as returning to an office job in the future goes, I don't really know. Like I said, I think office jobs in general probably just aren't for me. I think that with my new skills and a more solid grasp on financials (AKA I'm actually saving money properly, etc.) a lot of the fears I previously had about not being prepared for eventual retirement and stuff are pretty much nullified. I think I can make it just fine on my own, so we'll see.

I totally get it, and I think it's often a "grass is greener" type sitch. I frequently think about what I might have been able to achieve had I not dropped out of uni, because the absence of a degree has left several doors closed to me. Taking this path has not been an easy route for me, I've eaten my fair share of dirt and frankly if I was born in a country with less safety nets like America I would never have been able to make it the way I have. Not everyone in loc has the opportunities I've had or the sway I can muster now either, and a huge chunk of it's been down to nothing but dumb luck and moxie. There are still plenty of times where I'm paid a pittance for what I put in, but every good job I've had has been something I've ferociously clawed at precisely BECAUSE of how much shit I've had to put up with across the board. There's not a lot of glamour to the work that brought me here, and even now I know I'm a bit of an outlier among many of my peers in terms of the life I'm trying to lead. I think it's probably better to consider what you can do with your lot in life rather than wondering about the forks that might've made us entirely different people. Had I not joined an IRC channel on a whim when I was like 16/17, my entire life would have unfolded differently. People and places I have loved and experienced would no longer be there in my personal view. For me, I'm thinking about what I want might to achieve 5 years from now. I'm thinking about trying out different career options in 2024. If I want to have a degree by the time I'm in my mid-30s, I could try going back to Uni next October. For you? Who's to say you have to stay where you are? You studied really hard, you got a degree, you've surely got professional experience. Those things are very valuable in the right places. If you feel undervalued, it doesn't have to be a dead end for you. Life has many doors, the main part is figuring out your way down the hallway you found yourself in.