Why are you just parked on my RetroSpring page? You wouldn't happen to just be parked on a bunch of my pages, obsessively watching me, would you? Because that would be stalking.

It'd be even worse if you're someone I've stopped talking to due to obsessive behavior towards me that would not cease no matter how much I pleaded, then you saw me answer a question on here as part of your surveillance of my life, and thought asking to buy my videos directly from me would be a good pretense to trick me into directly interacting with you.

If, anon, you aren't just parked on my pages, and this hypothetical doesn't apply to you, then I thank you for your interest, but I am not doing direct sales outside of Twitter right now, due to having not felt safe existing in public spaces for the past year and a half or two. Y'see, there's someone who's been obsessed with me, who has made me feel I can't exist or just be myself without consequences in the form of wildly self-destructive behavior on their part. This feeling of always being watched by someone whose behavior seeks to control me has led me to isolate extremely hard, to the extent of not even talking to people in private for months at a time, repeatedly, just praying for the eyes of my stalker to go away. It feels like every time I peek out from my hole in the ground, with an eye toward resuming my life, they're there waiting. I am trapped, and there is no escape, all for the crime of caring and trying to support a friend who seemed to desperately need it. So I've stopped living my life in any meaningful way; I've even canceled important doctors appointments because I spotted this person watching me and went into a panic over it, leading to badly deteriorated physical health. What this means for you, anon who is not parked out on my pages or ritualistically lighting candles for me, is that I do not feel safe enough to sell you my videos directly.

However, if my hypothetical did, hypothetically, apply to you, anon? Then know that you are killing me. Not just spiritually at this point, but physically, as stress and anxiety have both worsened my symptoms, and left me too drained to overcome my medical anxiety and seek meaningful help. I'm grateful for the years of satisfying friendship we had together, but you said yourself a year ago you can't even remember what it was like to not be obsessed with me anymore, and the fact that you're still obsessing over me even now has destroyed all my trust and sense of safety. I do not want to hear from you, not even in response to this. I just want you to go live your life in peace, and leave me to live mine the same. Please, please, please, I beg of you, leave me alone.

A half-jokey, half-kinky term I came up with for the tangible—and as far as researchers have been able to tell permanent—"remodeling" of the human brain when your body has been pregnant. There is such a consistently patterned reduction in gray matter in people who've been pregnant that even six years later neuroimaging can tell if someone has been pregnant or not with 91.67% accuracy. This remodeling has also been associated with maternal attachment towards their child, suggesting the changes are in fact geared towards what we'd consider maternal instinct.

As it relates to kink and to me: Inducing lactation is done by simulating pregnancy/post-birth, so that your body believes you have a baby to care for and feed. There are certain ways the brain is changed by this that are self-evident. For example, the body lactates by responding to lactation triggers with an oxytocin release, such as nipple stimulation or babies crying; a person who's never been pregnant (or more accurately, never lactated) does not neurobiologically respond to these triggers. There are other ways the brain is changed by this that are only anecdotally shown, but extremely common. For example, people who induce lactation report a massive increase in maternal urges and desires, and especially note that when they're nursing or inducing that they're beset with "baby rabies" (a colloquial term coined in the adult breastfeeding community for the sudden overwhelming desire to have and care for a baby).

There hasn't been formal research into this, but this seems to suggest inducing lactation causes the same brain remodeling.

I have personally experienced the changes that come with inducing lactation, and I only learned any of these were things after I'd been experiencing them for a while, so it's no placebo effect. The ones that only persist while you're regularly pumping, like
- The wild baby rabies (holy hell, I never used to want kids, but when I'm pumping it's all I can think about).
- The kind of de-personalization of my body (the best summary I can give is it feels weirdly not mine, like it exists for the care of the baby that my brain is sure exists).

And the ones that persist even after you've stopped pumping, like
- My breasts are totally rewired for stimulation (way more sensitive, and having them sucked just gives me this tingly, relaxing full-body warmth that spreads outward from my chest, similar to when I'm pumping).
- I see my body a bit differently now (my breast dysphoria is actually kind of reduced, they feel more like a valid and important part of me, I actually have some pride in them beyond fetish value).
- Those maternal urges are still strong (not quite baby rabies-level anymore, but man I have such strong maternal urges and yearnings; my girlfriend has disgustedly referred to me as baby-pilled).

So since I see the kink potential in everything, I've described it as momification. I've been feminized, now I've been momified.

Anyway, I've just now learned that the official term for this is 'matrescence' because the changes are likened to 'adolescence'. To quote the Cambridge Dictionary, "Matrescence, the developmental phase of new motherhood, is like adolescence — a transition when hormones surge, bodies change, and identity and relationships shift." But I dunno, I think it's hotter to say I've been force momified than to say I've had matrescence.