This is such a good question even though this platform has this anonymous option I do think it's really brave and commendable that u'd ask!!!

tbh even though I am "a person who reads theory" I think whatever I recommend isn't going to mean anything if you can't apply it to your own life. I also would tell yourself that this isn't something you're going to be instantly good at, it's like a muscle. we exist in a misogynistic society so accepting we're going to have to spend the rest of our lives deprogramming our mental colonization is the first step to overcoming it. I would be lying if I didn't say I still have moments where a woman around my age will hurt me due to very openly misogynistic people, structures, and trauma affecting them and then my brain will ignore the context and catch my brain saying the phrase "man I hate women" T_T

I think it's not only personal work & deconstruction but also interpersonal connections that can give u a sense of clarity. a chunk of my IRL friends/comrades are abolitionists who take notes from notable black marxist-feminists and I have become friends with so many more trans women this year (who also share similar schools of thought). I hang out and organize in mixed-age spaces that also allow me a bit of intergenerational scope, a handful of my friends are moms in their 40s/50s.

I would first start with doing "retracing" of your steps, thoughts, compulsions, etc. knowing that gender was enforced from its inception as a means of arbitrary labor division and in itself a manifestation of classism, subjugation. Also with the knowledge that your thoughts are a direct result of the system you live in! interrogate where these thoughts come from, and how they are STRUCTURALLY and INSTITUTIONALLY caused. I would also suggest making space in your hobbies, social activities, etc to include dedicated time where men aren't present. I think this also should include setting aside time to recall YOUR experiences with misogyny, even if it's a bit uncomfortable sometimes....

also de-center your mom lol otherwise you will never be free

reading list

All About Love - Bell Hooks
The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love - Bell Hooks
Women, Race, and Class - Angela Davis
The Beauty Myth - Naomi Wolf
Women, Development, and Labor of Reproduction - Mariarosa Dalla Costa et. al

aw thank you!! ur so sweet ! I was at work as of the day I'm writing this and it was OK, I think getting yelled at by patients for things out of my control has helped me be a more "temperamental" person. my neighbor the other day invited me over for some tea and she was talking about very very intense things about her childhood and studied my reaction / expressions and was like "how are you so nonjudgmental about this" and in my head AND out loud I say that part of being a human is just having a tapestry of weird, zany, awful experiences so I can't really judge. I like knowing that this is something I can tap into at work and in personal life with intentionality

Putting my Twitter threadings here for posterity

Yesss thank you anon for chiming in when I say “benevolent” misogyny I do mean appearances & optics, it’s still destructive.

Like how I’ve been told the most racist shit ever in the workplace but it had “corporatespeak etiquette” which isn’t actually “etiquette” just optics

• on that note when I was in Japan my family and I did get followed & profiled by the police while minding our business. It’s pretty clear that systemically they’re there to uphold state status quo & capital. I’m also not surprised I was followed because I am instantly reminded of the Kurdish guy who was murdered by 🇯🇵 police back in 2020, or the ridiculous amounts of police brutality endured by West Asian migrant workers since the 70s in Japan.

It’s The Point of his character that he tries to shirk the gravity of being part of the police force - and say “I’m not like those guys” while carrying a badge & partaking in this system. And even being hurt himself by the system! It’s really enriching when you understand these contradictions in both the personal and systemic

Oh yeah there’s this one line he has in P2EP where at Rosa Candida he says something like “the sexiness of the clothing here could increase the crime rate” which is not even “benevolent” misogyny it’s just uncloaked lol. Again fixation on the system that takes the blame from systemic to “personal responsibility” even though we live in a society. And he’s not the only one too like this is a recurrent theme in the p2 characters regardless of their gender …. Maya, Baofu, Ulala, etc all have uncloaked Misogyny Moments