This is such a good question even though this platform has this anonymous option I do think it's really brave and commendable that u'd ask!!!

tbh even though I am "a person who reads theory" I think whatever I recommend isn't going to mean anything if you can't apply it to your own life. I also would tell yourself that this isn't something you're going to be instantly good at, it's like a muscle. we exist in a misogynistic society so accepting we're going to have to spend the rest of our lives deprogramming our mental colonization is the first step to overcoming it. I would be lying if I didn't say I still have moments where a woman around my age will hurt me due to very openly misogynistic people, structures, and trauma affecting them and then my brain will ignore the context and catch my brain saying the phrase "man I hate women" T_T

I think it's not only personal work & deconstruction but also interpersonal connections that can give u a sense of clarity. a chunk of my IRL friends/comrades are abolitionists who take notes from notable black marxist-feminists and I have become friends with so many more trans women this year (who also share similar schools of thought). I hang out and organize in mixed-age spaces that also allow me a bit of intergenerational scope, a handful of my friends are moms in their 40s/50s.

I would first start with doing "retracing" of your steps, thoughts, compulsions, etc. knowing that gender was enforced from its inception as a means of arbitrary labor division and in itself a manifestation of classism, subjugation. Also with the knowledge that your thoughts are a direct result of the system you live in! interrogate where these thoughts come from, and how they are STRUCTURALLY and INSTITUTIONALLY caused. I would also suggest making space in your hobbies, social activities, etc to include dedicated time where men aren't present. I think this also should include setting aside time to recall YOUR experiences with misogyny, even if it's a bit uncomfortable sometimes....

also de-center your mom lol otherwise you will never be free

reading list

All About Love - Bell Hooks
The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love - Bell Hooks
Women, Race, and Class - Angela Davis
The Beauty Myth - Naomi Wolf
Women, Development, and Labor of Reproduction - Mariarosa Dalla Costa et. al