I'm deciding to part ways from Retrospring... I've been planning such an action for a bit now & in regards to the public eye for a multitude of reasons. I have an unfortunate addiction to attention and have versed myself so deep in my own hypocrisy I'm not even sure where to begin. I wish to better myself in a way that I won't have to lose sleep over petty ordeals.

I've enjoyed my time within the spotlight of many, but I feel this is the first step to a genuine recovery. Using online platforms as a crutch for my NPD has been more harmful than I could ever fathom, This is not to put down others who wish to stay this is just something I've had on my mind for awhile. I cannot bare to lose myself within the lies in which others spread due to their own malicious gain or for the sheer fact of enjoying watching people crumble. It's disheartening to see such pure friendships get muddled with hearsay, but what would I know, really? I wish to all those who've wronged me to find themselves for what they truly are & face reality... God knows I tried but simply it's too much for someone like I— to bare.

It truly was interesting to witness what those would do when faced with Influence, the way those act when they see a chance to define others. Guilty of this myself, I can never understand my effect on others, which is something I will live with forevermore. Most days I've felt like a passenger within my life, letting others warp my own perception of myself if it meant I could keep myself in a place of righteousness. Would it be hypocritical of me to call out such hypocrisy? I do wonder... I think of many things, I fantasize of what I'd say to people's faces if I ever had the chance... Lulling myself to sleep, with the idea of hurting those who've hurt me. Quite frankly, it's exhausting. I hurt myself more by letting myself succumb into such a state, it's what they want; This back & forth of obsession, constant stalking, always checking profiles. I'll admit, I've done it too, I let my obsessive compulsions get the better of me, obsessive execration will be my death.

But not for long, for I wish to change & recover. To grow as a person, to become the one that doesn't have to aim for a last laugh. It's a goal, for sure.. one I wish to reach. To become one with the seven heavenly virtues, one can dream. And that I will, dreaming on as I was made to be... 〜 (．ꈍ ꑘ )ꑘ