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Anon from the last question here! I’ve thought about your answer literally every day. I genuinely think that part about how we all desire violence will be something I quote forever— your writing advice here is so impactful I can’t believe it comes from a Retrospring with 3 followers. You don’t spare a single word in conveying complex points concisely & digestibly! I’ve started writing my first self-indulgent noncon fantasy story because of you, so… thank you!🖤
i’m glad you found value in it anon! my perspective is, of course, just one piece of information to consider, but if it can serve as the catalyst to get you creating—well, there’s really nothing else i could ask for. i love talking about writing and the philosophy and mechanics of the craft, but i don’t get to do it often, so i really must thank you for allowing me an avenue for rhapsodizing. i’m thrilled to hear that you’ve picked up the pen. i hope you enjoy every moment of creating your nasty little works (positive), however uncomfortable they may be! wanton creation is as close as we’ll ever get to being god, so bask in it!!
hello, i hope your year of 2024 has been kind towards you! recently i have read ‘night eats color’ carefully a few weeks ago and it really ate into me due to it’s contents.
i wont over share, but i recently have been through quite a lot— this fic was unfortunately relatable in some aspects. haha, i don’t typically read a lot of dark fiction, either — but coming across your piece, i think really touched me. your writing completely captured me. i appreciated how well you write adachi’s perspective, which i found so intriguing. i loved his humanity, and lack thereof. i also felt everything when it came to nanako. every scene placed in that fic felt so important and i found myself rereading each individual section over and over because of how much i kept fixating on the interactions and dynamic between those two. the tension and stress of various scenes had me certainly on edge. and although i wasn’t sad much at all, when i finally reached the final scene, i choked up and burst into tears. i’m sorry if i sound like i’m flattering— but i really treasure this piece from you a lot. your writing’s amazing. i want to start reading more of your other works.
i know i could have commented this— and you don’t have to answer this if it’s uncomfortable. i’m very sorry if this feels inappropriate. i really appreciate you sharing this fic. again, i hope you are well. i’m sorry if my english is poor in any of these formats.
not inappropriate at all, anon. i couldn’t be more grateful. words like yours are the very highest praise a writer could ever strive receive. it is such a profound honor that a piece of mine could help someone feel seen or heard, or help to heal some part of them, however small. thank you for taking the time to not only read my work, but go out of your way to send such lovely thoughts! the daily grind can sometimes get to me, but feedback like yours keeps me coming back to my writing desk. i hope that life brings you peace and healing. ♥
Do you ever feel embarrassed / ashamed of the stuff you write while writing it? I’m trying to get more into writing the stuff I want, but there’s a voice in my head telling me it’s “problematic” or too self indulgent 😫 The stuff you write is so visceral and you seem to enjoy making it so I’m wondering if you have tips!
part of this answer is abstract and the other is more practical. i would say i never feel ashamed of any subject matter that i incorporate into my writing. the only things i ever feel embarrassed about are my fetish pwp works, and i don't really post those online. i'm still coming to terms with my armpit kink!!! for me, some of that is gender related--a lot of my kinks are very popular in m/m scenes, especially m/m created by gay men, but they're considered taboo and deviant in m/f fiction, so there are some very deep-rooted hangups there. that's a totally different story for a different day.
with that out of the way, i'm guided by one very strong principle when i create art: i believe artists have a moral and intellectual imperative to create repulsive things. self-indulgent things, objectionable things. not every single individual artist, of course, but as a group, i truly assert that to purge the "problematic" from our works is to reject our basic humanity and the humanity of others. consider what lives within you. what arouses you, what disgusts you, what intrigues you. art ideally asks questions and sometimes posits an answer. people now are so accustomed to facile corporate slop that they now believe art must 1.) make us feel better about the state of things (humanity, the world, etc.), 2.) be declarative of our most superficial values, or 3.) both. i unequivocally reject this. the way i see it is that we all desire pleasure and violence of some kind. the people who are most vocal about this being morally unacceptable are the same people responsible for some of the most heinous harassment and cruelty you can conceive of--or, at the societal level, much worse. thus, they channel their need for pleasure and violence into abusing others. it's still there, whether you want to believe it or not. they're surrendering to it in the basest way. i choose to satisfy myself in my writing. gross art puts us in touch with the entirety of ourselves. every time you sit down to write something problematic or self-indulgent, you honor yourself and others. even if i feel some embarrassment or trepidation brewing in me, i take it as a sign that i'm on the right path. if i were totally detached from the subject matter, why would i even write it?
now, that doesn't help much when it comes to actually sitting down and writing the thing, so to that i say: there's a pot for every lid. no matter how self-indulgent you might think something is, i can guarantee you with my whole chest that someone is absolutely fucking desperate to read it, and they might not even know it until they see it. that's why i opened with the abstract stuff: consider what a kindness it is to fulfill yourself and others in that way. even if you have no intention of making your writing public, the process of writing transgressive fiction gives you something in return, whether it's as simple as plain old sexual gratification or as complex as exploring your fears and old wounds.
also, think of any time you've giggled and twirled your hair and kicked your feet while reading something fucked up. guess what?? you can do that with your own writing too!!! call me narcissistic as much as you like, but i re-read my old stuff often and always think "damn op where'd you get such good taste??" this is what i wish for you, anon.
FINALLY SOMEONE WHOS REALLY INTO OTHER PERSONA GAMES BUT NOT FIVE… Thought I was going crazy. May I ask what your personal gripes with it are?
so contrary to what i wrote yesterday, i do not actually have a massive diatribe about p5 at the ready, especially since most of my grievances are very subjective and relative to other games in the series. tl;dr: it's style over substance and the conflict/themes feel incredibly juvenile and, more than anything, cynical compared to its predecessors. p4 was a harbinger of that, i suppose, but i felt that there were more things that worked in p4's favor to make it compelling, even if i still don't think it's that good: a smaller scope in terms of setting and narrative arc (killing god notwithstanding), more compelling character dynamics, and more humanistic themes. now, to be fair, iirc the cynical tone was informed by real world events in japan either shortly before or during development. nonetheless, i assert that the story has a bunch of bark with little bite.
it's difficult to articulate exactly what i mean because p5 still has so many of the ingredients that made me love the previous games, but i guess it's like me trying to make cream cheese frosting the other day and the first time i made it, it was basically Cream Cheese Chunk Sugar Soup because the proportions of the ingredients was completely off. it had all the things necessary to make delicious frosting, but i tried eyeballing it instead of measuring it out like i normally do. that's what p5 feels like to me. the flavors of those ingredients aren't there. they don't come together in a smooth and cohesive way. it has all the components of a fantastic game, which is why most people will tell you that it is a fantastic game, but it tastes off to me. texture wrong
i also only like yusuke and makoto LOL the characters did not resonate with me at all, which is a shame.
you're very wise to hate p5 tbh...but very kind to not hate on it around your friends. may we all have such wisdom.
tbh i have no problem with other people being vocal haters of anything in particular as long as they aren't harassing fans of said thing (god knows i've seen a bunch of hate towards things i like and i just keep on) but i just don't feel personally comfortable doing so. thank you for supporting in my anti-p5 agenda anon
Do you like persona 5? I feel like I don’t see you post about it as much as the other games
what daddaughter do you wanna write?
batter donuts filled will jelly sprinkled with crack on top to look like powdered sugar, give it to the homeless and needy.
hey 👋 how r u doing?
hiiii!! i'm doing better now than i have in a long time even tho work is killing me. my spouse and i have been in couples therapy since october and we're on the cusp of reconciling which has been a huge boost. i'm VERY SLOWLY getting back into creating too which is the only thing that makes me feel alive so i'm p good. hope all is well with u anon
I had a dream last night everybody was sending you stuff about the burger emoji in here. Not really sure why considering I haven’t sent you an ask in months, but, LMAO. Hope you’re doing well!
can i just say that hater anon is missing that a lot of ppl— cishet dudes especially— will take bad sex over no sex. so even if your slutitude is in question that’s probably not even why!!!! some people just suck!!!!!! why does anonymity make people think they can be so deranged and parasocial .
(just resisting a counterargument here, your fire sex game is not in question for me. one of yr former fwbs saying they couldn’t find anyone as good as you in YEARS is crazy, that would make my head inflate like a hot air balloon)
RIGHT unless the sex was catastrophically bad, that's almost never the reason. i can say for myself that the few times i've pulled the slow fade on someone it's because i didn't really like their personality or mannerisms, so i'm assuming it has to do with that.
(thank you for your faith in me anon, i rarely brag but i know my worth in that department! this pussy is a national treasure!)
Follow up to that last one (the hook-up story), she also had a boyfriend but was allowed to "experiment with girls", so that probably contributed to it. Plus she was going away to another province soon for school, so it wouldn't have worked out super well. That was the first hook-up I had with someone I found attractive, and enjoyed, and ultimately helped me become more confident in myself. I'm in a happy relationship now coming up on two years, but there are still questions of past people I wonder about, not with any serious intent, but just to lay with sometimes. I hope you enjoyed my story, even if it was painful.
If it's any consolation, I had an old hook-up whom I got along with so well that we spent most of the time talking about our love of efficiency and spreadsheets, she had to assure me multiple times the sandwich I made was the best she'd ever had in her life, and generally had an incredible time. She had to leave early to get picked up by a friend, and kissed me in the entranceway to my apartment, not wanting to leave so soon. I sent her my caramelized bacon rub recipe and later asked if she was still in the area, but she never got back to me. I think about that encounter from time to time. I don't think I'll ever know why she never responded.
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