anon ❀ · 13d
I recently read and then reread Antichrist, and I have a thought that may be absolutely insane. Is there a chance the demon knew that Beomgyu could be a threat to it? I understand that Soobin’s scared because he feels so guilty for hurting his partners, which leads to him fearing that loving someone else will only end him hurting them. But could the demon have also been scared, adding to Soobin’s fear?
It’s repeatedly said that Beomgyu is different from the others. He’s so curious and wants answers so he can be part of the group, but also because things need to make sense for him to understand. He questions everything more than everyone else did and doesn’t stop questioning or looking into it, even when he’s shot down over and over again. So, yeah, Soobin has his guilt and fear, but what if the demon fueled that fear as well? It literally hates Beomgyu touching the book, and I just don’t fully think it’s because Beomgyu was “pure.” Beomgyu had clear intent on learning and destroying the thing hurting his boyfriends, doing literally anything it takes in the end. He’s a threat when it comes to all of it. Could the demon have possibly seen that kind of like it did when Kai would mess up the ritual?
I don’t think the demon could stop Soobin from loving Beomgyu, because that’s just something entirely else, but I think fear can drive people apart. Fear and guilt tried to drive them apart, but in the end, it didn’t stick. So, yeah, this is a crazy thought and I don’t know if you’ve talked about anything like this, but this was my insane thought.
yes you're onto something! im trying to rewind my brain back to when i wrote the story to remember my thought processes back then but the demon absolutely knows beomgyu is a threat to it, and this absolutely trickles into soobin's complicated feelings about beomgyu -- beomgyu is the only one of the group who hasn't done the ritual, doesn't have the scar, is "pure" in that way and is able to actually damage the ritual materials in a way that none of the 4 who have accepted the demon into their bodies are able to. Soobin feels the demon's fear in all those moments where they're like... experimenting with the book to see what Beomgyu can do to it, and that's why he tells beomgyu he's feeling so desperately terrified that beomgyu might hurt the book. like you said, beomgyu's ability to damage the ritual comes from him being untouched by it, but his desire to damage it is simply a matter of his personality and his passion for these boys and his stubborn need to win out over it and understand it and defeat it -- all that is rolled into why the forces soobin to act the way he does whenever beomgyu starts getting close to hurting the ritual. I wouldn't go so far as to say that the demon's fear and loathing of beomgyu trickles into soobin's conscious everyday thoughts about him, but it's a bit hard to distinguish soobin's feelings from the rest of the things going on in his body, isn't it? so yeah, if there's this creature inside him that loathes and fears and hates beomgyu, and soobin can feel it looming closer and closer to the surface inside him, and his body is getting more and more vulnerable to its attempts to seize control, of Course those feelings have a complicated weight on the way the conscious soobin feels so complicatedly about beomgyu in so many ways. Soobin loves beomgyu just because he loves him - he knows right from the start that beomgyu is so right for him, that he's so beautiful, that he's so vibrant and joyful and just right for him and his other boyfriends, he wants him so bad but he knows he shouldn't have him, that having him will only destroy him, and then the monster inside him starts figuring out that beomgyu is the only real threat there is and it almost hurts beomgyu [in the failed ritual in ch 10] and you can only imagine how devastating that was for soobin internally to know the things his body is capable of doing to beomgyu when he loses control, but at that point it's far too late for soobin to give up loving beomgyu and he refuses to give into the guilt and withdraw from him anymore so all there is to do is try to win before the monster takes over.
there's a reason ive never written a soob pov side story and probably never will - soobin is an internal disaster for the entire story and i wonder how present the demon is in his brain even without him being aware of it... its something i dont really want to clear up, mystery-wise hahaha
