hello anonymous; i miss self-harming because it over-rid a lot of my insecurities and gave me an active, provable, sense of purpose -- but honestly that whole period of my life i now view as pretty horrific and sad, because i got in-to it via losing all of my friends, and then falling in love, and losing the trust of basically-everyone because of it; so, roughly that; i was reminescing just-today about how i want to self-harm because i miss that "this is my sexuality: mutilating myself" part, and wondering why i stopped being madly in love with my knife -- but i can:t go against etiquette for that. for green avi -- idk, i think about drawing it occasionally, because it was my identity, & (this:ll sound super market-minded) i think it gave people something to "identify" as mara, and now i:m less of a character, & more of an internet oddity that sort-of feels like is waning-away. so, i guess i mostly think about her as a marketing tool that i was FOOLISH to abandon -- but also, honestly, it was just tied into much of those same bad memories; in a stupid-way: i feel beaten-down and afraid to be that open and visible and accessible. something like that; there:s more but i:ll leave it at that! take care, anonymous!