hey anonymous; shocked i got two of these today!
at the moment i:ve been listening to a lot of 'the mountain goats,' (mainly tallahassee, satanic messiah, and devil in the shortwave) since my friend killed himself -- the weather here had gone all cloudy and hot round the same time and it just made me think of that album, 'tallahassee,' and how much i liked it in highschool -- and sort-of just my friend, too, and i:ve been listening to it a-lot ever since. a little bit of modest mouse:s 'lonesome crowded west,' too, because it seemed to fit the weather, and i liked it in highschool, and it reminds me a-lot of yuko (from csm).
last month i listened to a-bunch of folk/country, mainly j.j. cale:s 'naturally,' & john prine:s 'sweet revenge,' & a little bit of random "angels of light" songs (the michael gira band) (also a lot of the new 100 gecs album because i wanted to be in a good mood!).
then the month before that just listened to a-ton of insane clown posse, & some ripped to shreds, & some iperyt.
favorites, though.. well,
take care anonymous!

wow! i feel like no one sends me questions on this any-more (probably because i don:t advertise it at all any-more); first: hello, anonymous; i appreciate the compliments -- i like frida kahlo, she scared me a-bunch in highschool because of the veins (couldn:t stand looking at several of her paintings without feeling nauseous and weak).
to your other stuff: i don:t really know what you are referring to; a handful of my fans are really set-around the "turb" era of art where there-is more writing and more flagrant destruction -- but that was ~two(?) years ago; it:s been about ~1.5 years since i:ve self-harmed, i think? (or: self-mutilation, more specifically; and even-more encompassing: when i decided to do-away with 'lucifer-logic' and aggregate server prescriptions (meaning: defining the self under logical community understandable terms (classifying the self as self-destructive, mentally ill, the logics of psychiatry, the language of psychiatry, the logics of community, of friends, of groups, of etcetera--everything outside of the holy and the gaps where logic /is not/ and where logic /seeks/ to erode and cauterize))). mostly though, all of the writing/art from that era was based on pretty-real stuff (the scars are my scars; if i drew self-harm it was likely cataloguing what-it-looked like). my more recent stuff is pretty lite on text, sans some collaging ~early this year about harming animals. my recent stuff is pretty lite, in general, as i don:t really do much at all any-more sides lay in bed and waste; go to church and pray; clean the house; learn to cook; read and read; &c. i:m mostly just an old tired sick normie now.
to your last thing: send me money so i can spend it on groceries and books >:-)) but more importantly: you shouldn:t feel like it is your responsibility to help 'hurt-seeming' strangers online (even if they are really hurting). a life spent unraveling and going-crazy is as vibrant and bright as any-other. but i do like getting money to get books and groceries all the same :-) but it:s up to mara to help mara, ultimately.

so: take care, anonymous, and just-the-same: it:s up to you, to help 'you,' too!

hi anonymous; this answer might be a little disappointing, but i just do-not have much of an opinion on either -- i think sometimes (from like an appeal standpoint) stuff like crooked or missing teeth can be cute as a contrast to the ordinary, but otherwise i just see all of it as "mouth." there was a book i read in HS by chuck palahniuk (sp?) about a character who encased his teeth in tar, though, and i thought that was neat.
teeth, over-all, if i am talking to someone face-to-face, are what i stare at most often -- not really out of interest, but because i want to see what shape they are in (gum-line and stuff, because i compare it to my own), and i don:t want to look at their eyes.

hello anonymous, happy new years -- i fell asleep, so it:s 2023 now; there is nothing i am really looking forward to, mostly because i struggle conceptualizing the future (or just avoid thinking about it wholly, you know?); loosely: maybe looking forward to a twitter-person visiting leesburg soonish (because maybe i:ll meet up with them and have lunch? idk, last time i did this i freaked out from-then-till-present), and maybe my birthday because maybe i:ll get some money to buy coffees with. outside of that, my life is just waking up to clean/exercise and play shmups :smiling_imp: take care, anonymous! don:t emulate this bad behavior of mine, look forward to your own future ^^

happy new years, anonymous; maybe the stardew valley farm just because stalker-chan mentioned wanting a farm (due to her playing stardew valley) -- but i don:t care that strongly about it; i:d probably just pick an area like that, though. if i could be a boogiepop-character, i:d want to be in boogiepop-world; if i had to be me, though: i wouldn:t really want the 'ugliness' of how i am to contaminate worlds that i think are 'beautiful.' --but: a comfortable farm sounds nice ^^ when i was caretaking for my grandfather i really liked the snes harvestmoon days where you had to stay inside due to horrible weather, and you:d just hear this foreboding/cozy/overpowering ambience, and would just chill with your dog. it gives me goosebumps thinking about it! it:s really typical but when i was younger drinking coffee on rainy days was super pleasing to me.
toasted marshmallows: i haven:t had them since i was probably 8, i think.. but i think i liked them. anyways: take care, anonymous -- have a nice new year

happy new years, anonymous; sort-of -- as a kid (like under 10?ish?) i was just outright a bully and would basically beat kids up if they did anything i disliked / didn:t agree with me -- i didn:t really know how to handle being told "no" besides just hitting them; i had this moment in middle school, where i was threatening a girl with a sword and she just looked at me like i was doing a joke, & something about that made me reflect on my behavior. the final incident that sort-of cemented me being more "normal" was during 8th grade, i think, in christian school. there was this kid i didn:t like the face of, so i would passive-aggressively make mean comments about him whenever he was around, and one day he pushed me, and i fell, and then suddenly i realized he was a person -- something like that. outside of that: i would ideate about killing my roommates in college for the entire time i was enrolled, we lived separate but the core issue of "i can:t tolerate other people doing things i disagree with" sort-of sticked with me, and the rage would just build but i knew that i couldn:t a) physically bully them because it:s wrong, or b) emotionally bully them because it:s wrong -- so "making them disappear" was my new go-to. i never acted on it -- mostly because i:d ideate the 'after' where i realized i couldn:t hide everything if i went through with anything, and then ideate about courts and stuff; so: the tl;dr is everything in life sort-of guides you (impersonal) into being a sycophant because doing anything else makes "tangles" in the world / relationships that are wholly @ odds with your place as a person in context of buildingform -- it:s also a tool that roots you into buildingform, both from the perspective of physical (ie: confining your person) and from the perspective of thought-control (ie: the thought itself is contaminated, and acting on the thought causes deep contamination, which brings the buildingform more closely 'looming' over you). addendum to all of this: i don:t really think anyone deserves violence, the only way that makes sense to me presently is if you just arbitrarily decide to make othering-lines (ie: if i just decided right-handed people don:t deserve personhood -- which is silly to me), and that doesn:t sound like something i:d like.
also, just: i:m physically really weak ^^ so present-day me wouldn:t want to fight anyone; i don:t want to be hit, but i really enjoy shadow boxing / exercising -- i just don:t really eat enough to have strength; anyways: take care, anonymous

hello, happy new years eve, anonymous; i haven:t actually ever played parodius -- but i might have watched a longplay of it? my very-very basic beginnings with shmups (sans like, randomly playing a few) came from watching a lets play of tyrian2000 (somethingawful style ones, on lparchive i think) and then that led me to sort-of paying more attention to them -- and parodius was one! because i liked all the characters it had ("twin bee" seemed like it had a reputation); but; that:s mostly all i have to say about parodius: gradius and parodius and twinbee are cool to me, but i haven:t really poured myself into them. take care, anonymous!

happy new years (soon), anonymous; i do not -- my first time buying cigarettes was a pack of djarnum blacks in highschool, because they looked cool, and when i brought the pack in to smoke in my room, my mom just seemed so disappointed; so: i wrote "never knows best" on one in sharpie (which barely showed because it:s a black cigarette) to save for 'a really bad bad' (this was my idea of being mature: smoking and drinking coffee during a rainy day, sort-of going "tch..." about life); i ended up never smoking it, and the pack rotted dirty and was thrown away ~12 years later. my first/last "i actually smoked a cigarette" was in highschool with this lesbian couple that drove me to my moms work, occasionally, me and my crush shared a marlboro red, but i smoked it like a cigar bc i don:t really know how to smoke properly; take care, anonymous! i hope you have a nice night, and a nicer new year

hello anonymous; i miss self-harming because it over-rid a lot of my insecurities and gave me an active, provable, sense of purpose -- but honestly that whole period of my life i now view as pretty horrific and sad, because i got in-to it via losing all of my friends, and then falling in love, and losing the trust of basically-everyone because of it; so, roughly that; i was reminescing just-today about how i want to self-harm because i miss that "this is my sexuality: mutilating myself" part, and wondering why i stopped being madly in love with my knife -- but i can:t go against etiquette for that. for green avi -- idk, i think about drawing it occasionally, because it was my identity, & (this:ll sound super market-minded) i think it gave people something to "identify" as mara, and now i:m less of a character, & more of an internet oddity that sort-of feels like is waning-away. so, i guess i mostly think about her as a marketing tool that i was FOOLISH to abandon -- but also, honestly, it was just tied into much of those same bad memories; in a stupid-way: i feel beaten-down and afraid to be that open and visible and accessible. something like that; there:s more but i:ll leave it at that! take care, anonymous!